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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Everyone experiences this - "I love your mom!" etc. whereas you know real person behind closed doors.  It's nothing special.  The fact that you think your experience is special, and that you are posting here like it's a competition of you vs. mom, when will you win and she be found out, indicates you too may have narcissistic traits.  [/quote]

My narcissist father is dying. I am dreading the funeral where people will gush about how he is a pillar of the community. Any suggestions on how to deal with all those people that he charmed?[/quote]

I am glad you brought this up because it feels so taboo and you made me feel less alone. I have been there for my narcissist mom helping with dad and now being there with her with many boundaries and other professionals involved so I can try to keep the abuse at bay. I have thought a lot about things like eulogies and people giving her praise to me. For the eulogy I will not do one, but will simply ask that the religious person give a generic one about a great person since she would want to be praised. At the same time I will not be personalizing things by sharing grand stories, thought she is already trying to re-write history to remind me what a saint she was to the point it is hilarious. My mother and her siblings actually put in some negative hints with their own mother. The person leading said "she had trouble showing love in typical ways" and "some of her relationships were complicated" and many other digs. I have a narc Golden child sibling who would flip out if any of that were there.

When people tell me how fabulous she is I will either say "I am glad that you had that experience" or I will smile and change the subject. I will not deny my reality, but I am not going to badmouth her either. I will save that part for my therapist.[/quote]

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