Reply to Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!

The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.

I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:

1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.

2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.

3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”

4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.

I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.

Where do these men exist?????[/quote]

I met my husband online. A few notes.

1) You should be able to weed out the kids thing easily. Certainly by the first date, because your kids are a natural conversation point ("I have two kids, and that's it for me!"). This is something where you'll have to go on a bunch of wasted 1st dates to weed them out, but that's it. Makes me miss OKCupid - that was popular back in the day, and the "do you want kids?" profile question was so easy to screen on! Nowadays all the apps are just like a picture and four sentences.

2) $250k is an enormous amount of income, and having that as a limit is going to narrow your dating pool SIGNIFICANTLY. Why do you care if your income is "uneven"? I understand wanting someone self supporting (I wouldn't date a musician whose daddy is paying his rent either) but you wouldn't date a school teacher? Or an IT professional making $200k? Because of money? I would think a little more about why this is important to you. Especially because...

3 & 4) These are just shallow. What do you care if they played lacrosse? They ask if it's your nephew, you say "no, it's my son. I have two children" and they either decide it's a dealbreaker and don't ask you out again, or they say "cool" and you proceed with dating. Putting people into "buckets" (jock, popular, nerdy, etc) and judging them by that is so high school. We're adults now. And the height thing is ridiculous. What a stupid thing to care about. [/quote]

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