Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:53
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.
I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.
Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.
DP.
Agree - it is normal for a successful, high earning woman to expect her partner to earn as well or better the she does.
Why would any woman accept, let alone respect, a low income guy?
DP.
Because someone making $200k a year is not LOW INCOME. Jesus. That's gotta be one of the most ridiculous, tone deaf, head in the sand, DCUM income-related comments I've ever seen and that is saying something.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:51
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:When my husband and I divorced and I hit the dating scene again, I was worried that it would be hard to meet men. I had never done online dating before and wow, a while new world. Even during covid, it’s not hard at all!
The problem is that it’s too hard to meet men I’d realistically be into.
I am in my mid 30s, attractive, two kids, financially independent and professionally successful. Here is what I’m finding:
1. The guys who want to have kids of their own like, yesterday, because they realize the clock is ticking. This is totally understandable but I really, really do not want any more kids.
2. The guys who are not in a great financial place because they are paying out tons of alimony and child support. I am not necessarily looking to be supported, but I am also not looking to support someone else. Realistically I think the lowest I could go from an income perspective would be about $250k for a single guy or that equivalent after alimony and child support has been deducted. Anything short of that and there’s going to be a pretty substantial income gap that will make me feel uncomfortable. Even that would present a large gap.
3. The overgrown lax bros who can’t believe I have kids. “Is that your nephew in the picture?”
4, The guys who are five foot seven and under- I really feel bad for them but I just can’t do that.
I’m sure there’s more... is it too much to ask to find a professionally successful guy ages 38-50 who either (a) has kids od his own or (b) doesn’t wNt kids is his own, but also doesn’t mind dealing with mine 50% of the time.
Where do these men exist?????
I met my husband online. A few notes.
1) You should be able to weed out the kids thing easily. Certainly by the first date, because your kids are a natural conversation point ("I have two kids, and that's it for me!"). This is something where you'll have to go on a bunch of wasted 1st dates to weed them out, but that's it. Makes me miss OKCupid - that was popular back in the day, and the "do you want kids?" profile question was so easy to screen on! Nowadays all the apps are just like a picture and four sentences.
2) $250k is an enormous amount of income, and having that as a limit is going to narrow your dating pool SIGNIFICANTLY. Why do you care if your income is "uneven"? I understand wanting someone self supporting (I wouldn't date a musician whose daddy is paying his rent either) but you wouldn't date a school teacher? Or an IT professional making $200k? Because of money? I would think a little more about why this is important to you. Especially because...
3 & 4) These are just shallow. What do you care if they played lacrosse? They ask if it's your nephew, you say "no, it's my son. I have two children" and they either decide it's a dealbreaker and don't ask you out again, or they say "cool" and you proceed with dating. Putting people into "buckets" (jock, popular, nerdy, etc) and judging them by that is so high school. We're adults now. And the height thing is ridiculous. What a stupid thing to care about.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:33
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
I wish OP the best of luck in the search for her unicorn. I think she’s ripe for a much older man who is either divorced or stepping out.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:32
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Ugh, you know .... I know a GREAT guy who is almost EXACTLY what you're looking for, but he's 37.5. Oh well.
My fiance is 6'1, makes 400k, and doesn't want kids. But he's 37. I guess that's the magic number!
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:30
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:its not just 250k. OP's dream guy has to clear 250k after child support and alimony is done getting paid for.
I’m not OP and that seems plenty reasonable to me. Especially since she’s open to other parents who have 50/50 custody.
It’s reasonable, but it limits the field. That requirement plus the not wanting more kids requirement means she wants a guy who is ok with her kids, but either doesn’t want his own or more of his own. But she also wants someone mature- I don’t know many mature 38 year old men who don’t want kids. That leaves divorced men with kids clearing 250k after child support. Good luck with that
Reasonable? Is OP’s cunning plan of dating only affluent guys working?
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:29
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP I don’t think there’s *anything* wrong with your income target, and people who think men making $250k+ are rolling in smoking hot options are delusional.
I agree you’re most likely to meet nice boyfriends in your social circle though, and they will be other recent divorcés.
You forgot to add the qualifier: “in this area.”
A man making more than $250k/ yr is a real catch in some parts of the country.
Here as well. Do you know how easy it is to sleep with attractive women in their 20s here once you clear 150Kish and can easily afford the kind of house, car and dinners out where someone wouldn't really be able to tell if you make anywhere between 125-500K? For every woman who says "ew, I would never do that" there are a dozen who will.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:23
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:its not just 250k. OP's dream guy has to clear 250k after child support and alimony is done getting paid for.
I’m not OP and that seems plenty reasonable to me. Especially since she’s open to other parents who have 50/50 custody.
It’s reasonable, but it limits the field. That requirement plus the not wanting more kids requirement means she wants a guy who is ok with her kids, but either doesn’t want his own or more of his own. But she also wants someone mature- I don’t know many mature 38 year old men who don’t want kids. That leaves divorced men with kids clearing 250k after child support. Good luck with that
Or paying 0 in child support because they split custody. That seems the most likely/broadest field of “candidates.”
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:22
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:its not just 250k. OP's dream guy has to clear 250k after child support and alimony is done getting paid for.
I’m not OP and that seems plenty reasonable to me. Especially since she’s open to other parents who have 50/50 custody.
It’s reasonable, but it limits the field. That requirement plus the not wanting more kids requirement means she wants a guy who is ok with her kids, but either doesn’t want his own or more of his own. But she also wants someone mature- I don’t know many mature 38 year old men who don’t want kids. That leaves divorced men with kids clearing 250k after child support. Good luck with that
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:17
Subject: Re:Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:This isn't real, right?
I mean...this isn't real, guys, right???
Only on DCUM are people expecting most of their dating pool to be making $250k
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:14
Subject: Re:Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:This isn't real, right?
I mean...this isn't real, guys, right???
DP - at least one person said her circumstances are similar to OP’s. So yeah, I believe it’s real.
This is DC. Tons of women make $250k/ year + around here. Some of them divorce and want to date.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:14
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:its not just 250k. OP's dream guy has to clear 250k after child support and alimony is done getting paid for.
I’m not OP and that seems plenty reasonable to me. Especially since she’s open to other parents who have 50/50 custody.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:12
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Not the Op but I have similar standards. The issue when you are a financially successful woman is that I want an equal. If I want to go to the Bahamas for the long weekend. I want my partner to be able to do the same. If I want to go to NYC for the weekend, again I want someone to do those things with. I don’t expect anyone to pay for me and I don’t want to pay for anyone else. If you can’t afford to go, I’m still going. Guys I’ve dated have gotten pissy that I’m not willing to pay their way.
I don’t want anymore kids either. That requirement gets easier to meet as you get older. OP, I didn’t date anyone for the last 7 yrs. I focused on my kids and my career. I’m 50 now. I recently started dating a man with 2 grown, out of college kids. He’s financially secure, doesn’t want more kids, and is 6’4. They’re out there but you may have to wait.
Don’t lower your standards but also don’t expect to strike gold right away. While you wait, focus on you and your kids.
DP.
Agree - it is normal for a successful, high earning woman to expect her partner to earn as well or better the she does.
Why would any woman accept, let alone respect, a low income guy?
It is also normal for a successful, high earning woman with that set of expectations to be single, since none of the men she thinks are qualified to be with her want to be. But if your expectations price you out of the market, of course that's your choice.
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:08
Subject: Re:Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Oh lord. You have too many requirements. Why did you get divorced?
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:03
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll.
-1
I highly doubt that a troll would write out such a long + comprehensive posting. 🥸
Sweet summer child
Anonymous
06/03/2021 09:03
Subject: Where can I meet a 38+ guy that I’d actually be into dating?
its not just 250k. OP's dream guy has to clear 250k after child support and alimony is done getting paid for.