Reply to Would you not marry someone because you didn't like his parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having read your longer post, OP, I think it is already unacceptable that you are subjecting your DD to this behavior. It needs to end now. If you want to try to save the relationship, you can go to extremes. Stop your FILs every time they say something to your daughter.  Every time. Don't back down because it is quietly mean or meant "as a joke". If you BF can't back you  up on this or it doesn't change his parents behavior in any way, you have to leave.

I'm sorry.[/quote]

It sounds like a tough situation, OP. You love your BF, and want to marry him, yet your FILs are trying to cling to him and push you away, and your BF will not step in and tell them they cannot treat you and your daughter in a rude and disrespectful way. My ILs do the same sort of "just kidding" manipulative thing to cover up for their constant criticism. I put up with it for a while, but had a huge argument with DH after every visit with them. Finally, I told him I was not going to stand for it, and that he had to stop them. So, he did, and they stopped. He didn't tell them to stop, which would not have worked. He simply responded directly to their manipulative comments, and followed them as they tried to slither away from culpability for being rude, nasty, critical and mean. My ILs are cowards, and when confronted, they ceased their behavior. But DH is constantly vigilant, which keeps them on their best behavior whenever we get together.

The PP is absolutely right that you have to protect your daughter. Constant criticism, even if it's "just kidding" is exhausting, and can wear down a child's self-esteem. If your BF will not recognize his parents behavior for what it is, and take direct measures to end it, you must end the relationship for the sake of your daughter. It's a tough choice, but children don't ask to be born, so you have to put their welfare first. If you don't protect your daughter, no one will. [/quote]

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