Reply to Sister with secondary infertility want my eggs, but I don't want to donate them

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[quote=Anonymous]Another perspective.  I am the father of twins conceived by donor egg.  My wife has a genetically dominant medical condition that we did not wish to pass on to our children, so we sought out donor eggs or ensure that our children did not have this condition (hard enough with one person in the family with this condition).

I will agree with the rest that you should NOT do this.  As the parent of someone with children born from donor eggs, we were very adamant that we did NOT want any eggs donated from anyone who would feel the way you do with the eggs.  Your sister is asking you because she wants to have a genetic tie to the child.  But she wants that without having the additional burden of contact with the donor.  With the way you feel, you will feel a genetic tie to the child as well.  As you point out, that will add family drama and complications and that will do no one any good.  The way your relationships is, if you do this, it will drive a further wedge between you and your sister.  Additionally when the child finds out about the donor egg, whether as a child, a young adult or a full adult, it will also add additional complications and further strain your relationship with your sister.  The child will be in a no win situation and likely any choice the child makes about acknowledging either or both of you will hurt someone's feelings.

I know that you feel that this is adding stress and strain to your relationship and the easy thing would be to cave to your sister, but you need to stick to your guns.  From our perspective, as the parents of children born with donor egg, your feelings are a big red flag and a big NO to making the actual donation.  It will create lifelong lasting rifts and strain to your family relationships.[/quote]

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