So Op - you don't want to donate them

there is no question here

I would feel like it was my child. You did the right thing. She’s entitled to be disappointed but not to say anything rude or hurtful to you about it.

Yeah that's a hard no.

Oh He!! NO!

No.

If she had zero kids and you were super close and felt she would be a great mom, maybe. But no one should feel obligated to give their eggs to anyone.

And she already has two kids!

She wants you to go through the painful process of egg retrieval so she can have a third kid at 43? No.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You made the right call. Sorry you have to deal with this.

+1 Her reaction tells you that you were correct to say no. I would have many of the same reservations as you (particularly thinking of the baby as my own rather than a niece/nephew), but I wouldn't fault someone for asking because everyone is different. However, there's no excuse for calling someone selfish because they do not want to donate their eggs to you. That's outrageous on her part.

+2 Just piling on. You made the right decision, OP. Hugs.

No one is entitled to another person’s eggs or sperm. No is a complete sentence.

Your eggs are too old. No fertility clinic is going to work with a 38 year old's eggs.

OP here. Thanks for all the responses and confirmation of my initial reaction. No good could come of donation for any involved. I know my decision is the right one.

agree you made the right choice. i would consider it if it was someone’s only chance at having kids. but she has two kids already so if she needs a third she can go to an egg donor registry, her kids will still be related through her husband.

Another perspective. I am the father of twins conceived by donor egg. My wife has a genetically dominant medical condition that we did not wish to pass on to our children, so we sought out donor eggs or ensure that our children did not have this condition (hard enough with one person in the family with this condition).

I will agree with the rest that you should NOT do this. As the parent of someone with children born from donor eggs, we were very adamant that we did NOT want any eggs donated from anyone who would feel the way you do with the eggs. Your sister is asking you because she wants to have a genetic tie to the child. But she wants that without having the additional burden of contact with the donor. With the way you feel, you will feel a genetic tie to the child as well. As you point out, that will add family drama and complications and that will do no one any good. The way your relationships is, if you do this, it will drive a further wedge between you and your sister. Additionally when the child finds out about the donor egg, whether as a child, a young adult or a full adult, it will also add additional complications and further strain your relationship with your sister. The child will be in a no win situation and likely any choice the child makes about acknowledging either or both of you will hurt someone's feelings.

I know that you feel that this is adding stress and strain to your relationship and the easy thing would be to cave to your sister, but you need to stick to your guns. From our perspective, as the parents of children born with donor egg, your feelings are a big red flag and a big NO to making the actual donation. It will create lifelong lasting rifts and strain to your family relationships.

I would totally donate eggs to a sibling but that’s only my own point of view. You absolutely do not have to nor should you be made to feel guilty. Based on her reaction you’ve made the right decision- wow, she’s being a jerk.

I am 42 and starting IVF for my third child next month. You were absolutely correct in declining your sister’s request and I say that as someone who may well be seeking donor eggs in the near future.

No reasonable person would side with your sister. Stand your ground.

I think you made the right decision OP. There are no “shoulds” when it comes to this. You made the right decision for yourself and for your family, and, given what you’ve described, the healthiest decision for your extended family as well.