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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day.  He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.[/quote]

My dh treats patients with substance abuse disorders. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. I recommend attending meetings. Substance abuse is very difficult on families and you need the support. My dh likes to say recovery is possible and for some people it is. I'm sure you have thought about a sober coach. If he relapses, there is medication that can be prescribed to manage the cravings. Many people can return to a regular life (jobs, families) while takings these medications.[/quote]

These are all nice things to say, but that assumes the person is functioning to some degree.  My brother sure wasn’t.  My parents didn’t know anything about his life, his addiction, even what he was addicted to.  He was MIA and they worried and waited for the other show to drop.  A lot of what the therapist says is very idealistic, coddling, and sends a message of “this is a family problem” to my parents.  In our case, no.   My other siblings are good with normal functional lives.  My parents were fine parents and did a good job.  They were always there for us and warned us about the very problem he now has.  My brother is a person who self medicated and now blames my parents for everything including refusing to fund him.  As soon as the money stream ended, he cut them off.  He is selfish.  They don’t deserve what he has dished out and I’m amazed they have hung in as long as they have.

I think the best therapists need to have been through it, no one who hasn’t can understand.  [/quote]

I'm sorry for what your family has been through, but my post was directed at OP. Unloading on me was not appropriate.[/quote]

It was a comment, an opinion on addiction from within.  Certainly not unloading, perhaps you are projecting.  [/quote]

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