Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

My dh treats patients with substance abuse disorders. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. I recommend attending meetings. Substance abuse is very difficult on families and you need the support. My dh likes to say recovery is possible and for some people it is. I'm sure you have thought about a sober coach. If he relapses, there is medication that can be prescribed to manage the cravings. Many people can return to a regular life (jobs, families) while takings these medications.

These are all nice things to say, but that assumes the person is functioning to some degree. My brother sure wasn’t. My parents didn’t know anything about his life, his addiction, even what he was addicted to. He was MIA and they worried and waited for the other show to drop. A lot of what the therapist says is very idealistic, coddling, and sends a message of “this is a family problem” to my parents. In our case, no. My other siblings are good with normal functional lives. My parents were fine parents and did a good job. They were always there for us and warned us about the very problem he now has. My brother is a person who self medicated and now blames my parents for everything including refusing to fund him. As soon as the money stream ended, he cut them off. He is selfish. They don’t deserve what he has dished out and I’m amazed they have hung in as long as they have.

I think the best therapists need to have been through it, no one who hasn’t can understand.

I'm sorry for what your family has been through, but my post was directed at OP. Unloading on me was not appropriate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

My dh treats patients with substance abuse disorders. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. I recommend attending meetings. Substance abuse is very difficult on families and you need the support. My dh likes to say recovery is possible and for some people it is. I'm sure you have thought about a sober coach. If he relapses, there is medication that can be prescribed to manage the cravings. Many people can return to a regular life (jobs, families) while takings these medications.

These are all nice things to say, but that assumes the person is functioning to some degree. My brother sure wasn’t. My parents didn’t know anything about his life, his addiction, even what he was addicted to. He was MIA and they worried and waited for the other show to drop. A lot of what the therapist says is very idealistic, coddling, and sends a message of “this is a family problem” to my parents. In our case, no. My other siblings are good with normal functional lives. My parents were fine parents and did a good job. They were always there for us and warned us about the very problem he now has. My brother is a person who self medicated and now blames my parents for everything including refusing to fund him. As soon as the money stream ended, he cut them off. He is selfish. They don’t deserve what he has dished out and I’m amazed they have hung in as long as they have.

I think the best therapists need to have been through it, no one who hasn’t can understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

My dh treats patients with substance abuse disorders. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. I recommend attending meetings. Substance abuse is very difficult on families and you need the support. My dh likes to say recovery is possible and for some people it is. I'm sure you have thought about a sober coach. If he relapses, there is medication that can be prescribed to manage the cravings. Many people can return to a regular life (jobs, families) while takings these medications.

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:In my opinion, addiction is different for those who have been through it as an involved spectator or someone who is theorizing about what they’ve read or how they think they would react or feel. It is a complex issue. Black and white thinking is just a desire to oversimplify complex things and it seems to almost never work. It’s somehow comforting and I get it, but it’s just not that helpful sometimes. It’s hard to turn off the love and nurturing for a family member and it’s a process. No one probably starts out wanting to enable and everyone seems to have a different definition of enabling. Sorry OP. Just sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Cost of rehab. Inpatient can be like $650 a day and insurance does not always pay for it - or maybe there is no insurance. It adds up unbelievably fast.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I haven’t read the whole thread as I find this board strangely harsh on addiction.

I know you have a therapist, but have you considered Al Anon or similar? Addiction is a family disease, and groups like this help address that in a safe and empathetic environment.

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bump. Same problem. Different family but same situation. Struggling.

Story of my family too. And of my brother's family and my cousin's family. It has hit us hard and it is hard to figure out how to stay sane and healthy. Very little of it is in our control and yet I am not even close to the point where I am going to ask my child to leave (but both my brother and my cousin are beyond this). I guess I have not yet given up hope and there has not yet been enough damage to our lives. And I love him so much. I do think I have a breaking point though and I hope we don't get there. Trust me when I say there is no stone unturned and no treatment not offered or forced, which you can do before they hit age 18.

It pains me to see what the rest of my family is going through.

No advice. Just empathy. I hope things work out for your family.

Have you watched Ben is Back with Julia Roberts? It's not a feel good movie with a happy ending, but it is validation for those of use who haven't given up. There is a line in the movie where someone tells Julia Roberts that she won't be able to live with herself if she doesn't try. That's me - I can never stop trying. I'm lucky that the rest of my family feels the same or at least indulges me.