Reply to I'd like to hear from anyone who's happy to have decided to give up on their parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm going through this now OP. In fact, I have cut out my mom but not my dad and they are still married.

Someone asked upthread how to go about this freeze-out exactly. Here's what I've got on that:

1) Cut the person out and tell them that the relationship is over.
2) Tell anyone who you share in common that the relationship is over.
3) Tell anyone who you share in common that if they pass messages or violate confidences (like giving out your phone number) then you are prepared to cut them out too.

It's not easy and I've really been hurting to see my dad bounce back and forth between us and pretend to my ex-mother that he doesn't talk to me, but I look at it like this - he made the choice to stay with her knowing who and what she is. I didn't. Everyone keeps thinking that because I'm the reasonable one that this will be fixed at my hands but to me there's nothing to fix. I've never been happier. I've gone so far as to say that if she would die our family would improve 1000%. I won't go through her list of offenses here but let's just say she's amassed quite a rap sheet.

As far as how to tell other people - I just tell them. It is 100% not a reflection on me that I ended a relationship with an emotionally and verbally abusive narcissist with depressive and anger issues worse than any book or website has described. My job is to protect and preserve my current family which includes my husband, baby on the way and my stepkids. It's about THIS generation not the one before me.

I'm only undecided if I would let say, my brother, take my baby to see its grandparents. I don't want to deprive them but I'm still not sure. She sucked as a mother and from what I've seen with my brother's kids, she sucks as a grandparent so I'm not sure why I would do this other than to placate my dad.[/quote]

Don't placate your dad. Your situation sounds similar to mine. Placating doesn't work.[/quote]

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