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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Bumping this old thread, largely because I’ve seen this among my friend group now at 38.

At 24, everyone was largely living the same post college, pre grad school life. At 35-40? Now that weddings, honeymoons, babies, houses, cars, school have come into the mix? I’m definitely sensing some competition among my friends and it sucks. Not everyone, but definitely some. It’s almost this, Oh I’m so successful, I make so much, I have such a good marriage blah blah blah. It makes me sad - friendships I cherished but now feel overly competitive. [b]How are others dealing? Me and OP can’t be the only ones.[/b] [/quote]

I think it's in part cultural, and that's why it's hard to get completely away from this if you are paying attention, even amongst healthy and kind female friendships.

We live in a heavily capitalistic society. I'm not necessarily against that -- it may be the best option! I really don't know -- but it is predicated on most people being unhappy with their lives. Planned obsolescence of items, the belief you are faulty and buying some product will fix it, the internecine battles for artificially restricted resources (work, dating, awards). If you are trying to be happy with yourself in the life you have, there isn't a lot of support. There is a helluva a lot of pressure to be unhappy, though, and it can be unremitting.

I have learned to limit my closest friendships to women with whom I have a track record of generally avoiding these interactions. When it comes up, I will usually let it slide, or if it persists, call it out frankly. It helps to have a diversity of interests amongst my group of friends, so we aren't all just ranking ourselves against each other.

I think it's always going to be a balancing act. You can find other women who also resist that cultural bait, but we are all swimming in at least a little toxic soup together. It's never totally gone, I think.[/quote]

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