Reply to Woman says accepting her husband's desire to divorce 'with diginity' leads to domestic violence

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Reply to "Woman says accepting her husband's desire to divorce 'with diginity' leads to domestic violence"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She didn't say accepting a divorce with dignity leads to domestic violence. She said a focus on privacy in our society leads to domestic violence and child abuse. [/quote]

[b]It leads to emotional abuse. Keeping silent and suffering and the abuser counting on you never telling anyone.  That’s emotional abuse. [/b][b] The gaslighting and the lies.[/quote]

NP.  I still don't see the emotional abuse.  He's not even there.  It sounds like he isn't talking to her.  Is she going through emotional turmoil?  Yes.  Is the divorce his fault?  Yes

She doesn't have to keep silent, but her emotional turmoil is there whether she keeps silent or takes out a full page add in the newspaper. Emotional turmoil is not the same as emotional abuse.

Or does she mean keeping silent makes her the emotional abuser at home?  I honestly cannot follow. [/quote]

Right. She's linking her embarrassment to emotional abuse when they are not the same thing.[/quote]

I would argue that keeping such a huge secret from your spouse and then announcing it a newspaper with no heads up to her is emotional abuse. What is behind such behavior if not a power play, manipulation, and spite?

However, you are missing her point because you are focusing only on what happened to her, while she is making a much broader point, that is not about her. Her broad point is that when society's rules of proper decorum insist on keeping troubling matters "private," even shaming and shunning and gossiping those who deign to talk about "such issues," it enables abusers because when the "don't tell" rules have been deeply ingrained in a persons's psyche form birth, it is psychologically almost impossible to break out of an abusive situation. Gossip is probably the worst of it, because when you've heard gossip all your life, you then know what will happen to you, the victim, if you come forward. [/quote]

This.[/quote]

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