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[quote=Anonymous]I hadn't fully cut off contact w/ my father, but I had severely restricted contact for decades. And I managed his access to my kids as though I was guarding Fort Knox. And I never, ever trusted him with anything emotional or any vulnerability or any access to me emotionally.

I did what I had to do to protect myself, and for a long time it was really hard. Then I had kids and I did what I had to do to protect them and that was much easier to see and do (which also protected me.)

When he died I was amazingly at peace. He never harmed my kids and they never saw ugliness with him. I felt like I had done a pretty good job of walking a tightrope and now I was free of that. I don't miss him, I don't have any regrets about my decisions, I don't beat myself up about anything.  It's really kind of amazing.

I also have a handful of fond memories of him and now I can focus on those if/when I choose and not have to guard myself against any further pain. It's actually been great.

If you are at peace with your decisions now then you will likely be at peace in the future OP.

All the best to you.[/quote]

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