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[quote=Anonymous]I came from a very imperfect household and was very forthright about it when I began dating my now spouse. Poor emotional boundaries. Lots of yelling, blaming, anger, rage, slamming doors, occasionally throwing things etc... A very complicated relationship with a parent that continues into adulthood despite a lot of work on my part to accept and let go. My parents had a lot of trauma in their pasts that really affected their ability to emotionally regulate and parent.

I married someone who looked like they had a perfect family and with picture perfect holidays, vacations, family dinners, conversations etc... everything I had wished for in my own childhood. I felt like I was coming into the marriage with all this family baggage and sometimes I felt the weight of doubting if I was “good enough” or whatnot. Lo and behold years into our relationship and it turns out my spouses family has deep secrets - a secret half sibling, an ongoing extramarital saga - they just do not talk about it and stuff secrets down deep. The parents keep things from each other, from their children and on and on and on. I never would have known except for a couple chance incidents that revealed things. In some ways this secrecy is so much harder to handle than the in your face hardships that I experienced. Things are not always as they appear. [/quote]

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