Reply to What's the point of an ethically non monogamous relationship?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The point of it seems to be to provide the illusion of stability for the kids, and to maintain whatever financial lifestyle they have- especially if one partner does not want the marriage to end. However, several people I grew up with had parents with open marriages, and it did not work out well in either case. One ended up divorcing anyway, in a messy, complicated way that damaged relationships with their young adult children, and the other set a terrible example for the kids.

[b]I also think that it’s just impossible to maintain an intimate relationship with two people at once.[/b] It’s not something I would proactively seek out, but I guess I understand why some do instead of just divorcing.[/quote]

This is the thing for me. And when I say "intimate" I don't just mean sex. I mean the emotional connection. I put a lot of effort into maintaining that effort with my husband. I really can't imagine trying to do it with someone else at the same time, and I really can't imagine that if he were in an intimate relationship with another person that it would take some of the time and energy away from ours. Maybe that sounds selfish, but it's true.

I also feel like side relationships would inevitably mean less time by myself. Right now, with young kids at home, that's the thing I fight hardest to get. Maybe there are people who just don't need alone time (though surely everyone needs at least some?) but I would never want to give that up for the sake of sexual variety. I'd rather just work with my existing partner to spice things up.

I also don't understand the sexual variety argument to begin with because all of the ENM relationships I know of, they have long-term side partners. So presumably the sex in those relationships gets stale too? I get it if someone's sexual orientation shifts, but otherwise I'm not sure why you would need two long-term relationships. Sounds like the worst things about marriage, but just more? I don't get it.[/quote]

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