Reply to Would marry someone who's cheap?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Would marry someone who's cheap?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I don’t know, op, what do you like about him?  You surely don’t paint him in a flattering light.  Remember this when you get married, none of the people you talk to about your spouse will be enjoying the fun moments you two share or having sex with him, which brings me back to my question “What do you like about him?” What keeps you around?

As for the $2 item, what exactly is it? Is it a charity he doesn’t agree with?  Are you insisting he gave a “good tip” when he felt the service was sub par?  My husband and I have been out to a couple places where the waitress treated him fine and treated me poorly, talking to me like I’m a child, being abrupt when I ask a question, just making me feel that they’d prefer I’d not been there that day.

What luxuries do you enjoy?

Everybody values money and time differently.  I’m not big into donating to charity, though I pay taxes with good cheer.  I feel that that is enough, especially because I don’t bennifit from some of the things my tax dollars go to support.

As for tipping, I will pay someone for work that they do, I am just more comfortable when all parties involved know the work scope and price before the work gets started. I will gladly recommend service providers who have done a good job for me, and I will continue to use service providers who do a good job, tipping is just too much of a grey area for me, though I do it because I don’t want people to view me as “stingy” even though they may have had a completely different experience with the exact same service person then I had. The idea that one person feels it’s appropriate to comment on an experience they didn’t have and attach a dollar amount to it is mind-boggling to me.    
My husband and I would not do well by youtubing things and fixing things ourselves.  If that’s how a couple wants to bond, that’s fine with me.  What isn’t fine is telling me I’m wasting money because I choose to hire the same job out.

My husband had some anxiety around money when we got married.  It took years to figure it out, though we eventually did.

You need to figure out if your guy is deciding to spend money differently from you, or if he is anxious or has some mental health issue that is manifesting in a socially acceptable fashion.

Cheap is unhealthy, it can lead to doing without which can lead to depression. Be careful with this as the depression is creeping. First you decide you want to save money. Then you decide you don’t need a new car. Then the car breaks down which messes up your day. Then it’s in the shop which messes up your weekend. Then you slowly forget what it is like to feel normal and do normal things.

Ditto for a house, you “don’t need the best house” which is fine. Then you don’t need a nice walking trail because it’s winter and who walks in the winter. Then you “don’t care about what the neighbors do” because you work a lot and aren’t interested in being friendly. Then you ignore the signs that make a neighborhood go from “not very nice” to untennable.

In other words, the bigger the investment (car, house) the harder it is to pull out of it. You also get social pressure to stick with a bad situation “why didn’t you do better research” “maybe this next repair will work” “can’t you find other things to do while the car is in the shop”?

It’s a very tricky slope.

Once we got to the root of my husband’s financial anxiety, he learned he could enjoy himself a bit.  He recently bought a car, not his first car, not even our first car as a married couple, and he is thrilled with it.  It’s wonderful to see him so happy.

As for luxuries, are you spending $500 on a dress when a $50 dress would look just as pretty and make you feel just as good?

Are your luxuries things your boyfriend can enjoy with you, or are they only things you care about.  Is he cheap to compensate for your spending?  Is it a luxury because he’s telling you you can’t have it or feels you don’t need it, even thoug he’s free to go out and buy whatever he’d like?  I’m thinking of the older men at church who tell young families they don’t “need a fancy car” and then drive out of the parking lot in the same car they just told someone they “didn’t need”.

Given that you two are just dating and are supposed to be enjoying each other, I’d not look too kindly on a guy that always complained if that is what he’s doing.  I’d be wondering what he really thought of me or why he was on a date with me. You two are supposed to be in the lovey dovey phase which gives me pause.

For now, I’d enjoy him and stay alert to if his cheapness steals your joy.It’s really no different from telling someone “I’m reading a great book about computer hacking” and they say “You are! How could you read anything that isn’t about the pandemic or the election, damn you are selfish”.  Be careful of people who make you feel bad about healthy things that give you pleasure. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics