Reply to I was raised to be a mousy woman

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I hear you. I was raised to be a pleaser, not to think of myself, turn the other cheek, be pleasant, never say a bad thing about anyone else, etc. It took years of therapy to move me out into the world and to stand up for myself. But I'm essentially a doormat still, and I still take it until I blow up, which surprises people.

I have tried very hard recently to stop this behavior, especially regarding those closest to me, particularly DH. The thing I've focused on is trying to verbalize how I am feeling right at the moment I am feeling it, and removing the emotions from my words. I try very hard to describe objectively what is happening without getting angry or upset, resentful, etc. It has worked wonders in dealing with DH, and it has helped improve several situations at work.

I'm still a doormat though. That's my personality. But I have found it much easier to get what I want without getting angry simply by describing what I need, or describing what the other person did that is causing a problem for me. I used to actually cover up for the other person, make excuses for him/her, take the blame for things that were not my fault.

This approach is conscious and takes energy, though, OP. I don't do it subconsciously as most other people are able to do. It's work, and it's tiring. It's easy for me to be mousy because it's a lifetime habit. But you can do it, OP.

I agree with other posters, OP, stop blaming your mom! It's pointless. Just move on. My parents did all sorts of things wrong, but they did what they did, and it's over. I'm not going to waste one more iota of energy thinking about all the bad things they did. I've moved on, and you should too, OP. It will make you feel good. [/quote]

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