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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My young adult DD has a bunch of friends who grew up without mothers in their lives.  I find it mind boggling.  I mean, how many kids out there had their moms walk out on them when they were children? Did any of you have moms who walked out on you and left you high and dry like that?  One of her friends was adopted by her stepfather - and then her biological mother walked out on her, and her stepdad raised her alone!  I think he deserves a medal.

If you have a mom who was abusive, or a diagnosed BPD or another diagnosed severe mental disorder like that, I can understand your wanting to keep your distance.  I encountered a lot of dysfunctional crazies among the school parents when my kid was growing up.  But disliking your mom because she tried to steer you, but with love and not with malice?  Uh, okay.  Whatever.  Just be glad your mom never walked out on you to go find herself.  At least give her some basic credit for hanging in there with the midnight feedings and the all-nighters dealing with your illnesses, protecting you from danger and trying to guide you as you made big life choices, putting you first in her life and pouring all her love and effort into trying to raise you right.  That's what life comes down to, and it's awfully selfish to write it all off as if it was no skin off your mom's nose.[/quote]

“You’re lucky because we didn’t abandon you or starve you or lick you out on the streets” is precisely the kind of message a selfish jerk of a parent makes. Hung in there with the midnight feedings? You mean, fed their baby. Dealt with all-night illnesses? You mean didn’t force small children to sleep in their own vomit and got them medical care as legally required.

If this is your idea of good parenting, then I see no reason why an adult owes their parent anymore than the bare minimum: phone calls on birthdays and holidays, the occasional visit so they can see their grandchild, minimally adequate elder care. And they should be grateful to get that, right?[/quote]

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