Reply to Is this abuse? Whom is the abuser?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I recommend reading up on abusive relationships. Yes, kicking and throwing things are abuse.

Unfortunately, things like counseling (or posting on DCUM) aren’t helpful because counselors assign blame to both parties. But the fact is, with abuse, very often the victim has to resort to abusive tactics themselves to defend themselves. Trying to assign any blame at all to the victim further perpetuates the abuse. There’s a ton of good information online about this.

I was in an abusive marriage and 99% of the time, they don’t get better. Showing them articles or DCUM responses won’t help. Counseling won’t help. They only thing that helps is if they recognize the problem on their own and seek years of individual and group therapy to fix it.

Also, I would never tolerate the attitudes of the PPs on here that “you are selfish, you  don’t get nice, you lost the right...” Every human being has the right to make mistakes like the phone alarm going off. Demanding 100% perfection, and reacting with violence when someone fails, is not something I will ever put up with in a relationship again. It’s absolutely reasonable to expect a partner treat you with respect and communicate with you in a non-violent way. [/quote]

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