Reply to How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?

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Reply to "How to respond to MIL's comments about caring for her adult sons?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Ugh, I have a similar situation though without the different cultural backgrounds. My BIL is a serious failure to launch and also has serious mental health issues. He’s in his 40s and lives with MIL. I made it clear several years ago that we would not simply carry on with MIL’s caretaking of him after she passes. His mental health concerns include anger and temper issues and we have children. I would never feel comfortable having him live with us and I am cautious about his interaction with my kids now.

By making it clear that we are not the back up plan, it has forced BIL and MIL to come up with something else. He is going back to school now to get a technical degree that will hopefully get him into more reliable work. We also assume she will leave the house, which is fully paid off, to him (and if she leaves it to both of them, DH would probably just gift his half to his brother). He is able bodied and can work, and our hope is that with a house he simply must maintain and pay the very low taxes on, he can remain independent.

I’ve struggled in life myself, including a longtime mental health issue, and I firmly believe that the pride of self-sufficiency is one of the best gifts you can give people. My BIL has made some poor choices in life, and his parents facilitated them in many ways. But that does not mean that I, the lone woman of our generation if the family, am going to sacrifice myself (or my kids’ future!) to make up for it. We are willing to help as needed, but that does not and will never involve bringing a grown man with anger issues into my home so that we can feed him, do his laundry, and facilitate his failure.[/quote]

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