Reply to What do men look for in a woman whom they would want to marry?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion.  I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:  
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.

*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured.  He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.  [/quote]

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"[/quote]

Yep.  It was decided organically in our friend circle.  None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.  [/quote]

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word.  I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything.  Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife.  They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

[/quote]

You're projecting, or possibly you got married young?  DP but my DH told his best friend he was going to marry me after our first date (I didn't find this out until much later).  I was still seeing other people at the time.  He was also the one who brought up moving in together, a bit before I was ready, although that was lease-dependent and not really his fault.  The idea that women want marriage and men just want BJs sounds like a teenager who has gotten all of their ideas about relationships from rom-coms.[/quote]

Same here.  My husband (22 years married) even came over to meet my parents on my dad's birthday only 6 weeks in.  We were inseparable from the day we met.  He as a few months shy of 25 and had a bunch of 'player friends' who all swore they'd never settle down before their 30s.  They teased us relentlessly--but everyone agreed we were perfect for one another.  I remember him saying 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' a few weeks after meeting.  "I love you" and I don't use that term freely AT ALL was uttered within the first month.[/quote]

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