Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

I can see why the US has so many dummies that can't even locate the US on a World map. Procreating with mediocre/low intelligence is a good part of it.

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Nope. I am hot---but a big draw for my spouse was that I was hot AND had great credit/great job and was intelligent in addition to all of those other things.

I do think women/men that check the hot/fun/like sex/low drama AND are smart/good jobs are top in line.

If you have 1-3 with somebody--you don't want a dummy to be a mother or father to your children. You are SMART enough to realize intelligence and ambition are partly genetic and that looks and libido change in life.

It's interesting that the woman posting on here have this long laundry list of what they think men want, and men posting on here just basically have a couple of items:

1. fun to be with, like sex
2. reasonably attractive
3. low drama

Everything else is gravy. Maybe the "fun to be with" is a catch all for "similar outlook, intelligence, etc".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

He's a great guy- I'm not about to gain weight to find out!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The three B’s. Brains, beauty and BJ’s.

Agree! Plus someone I can spend a lot of time with without getting bored or nagged. Marriage is a marathon and compatibility is critical.

Missing the two main B's - Boobs and Butt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion. I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.


*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured. He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"

Yep. It was decided organically in our friend circle. None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word. I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything. Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife. They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

You're projecting, or possibly you got married young? DP but my DH told his best friend he was going to marry me after our first date (I didn't find this out until much later). I was still seeing other people at the time. He was also the one who brought up moving in together, a bit before I was ready, although that was lease-dependent and not really his fault. The idea that women want marriage and men just want BJs sounds like a teenager who has gotten all of their ideas about relationships from rom-coms.

Same here. My husband (22 years married) even came over to meet my parents on my dad's birthday only 6 weeks in. We were inseparable from the day we met. He as a few months shy of 25 and had a bunch of 'player friends' who all swore they'd never settle down before their 30s. They teased us relentlessly--but everyone agreed we were perfect for one another. I remember him saying 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' a few weeks after meeting. "I love you" and I don't use that term freely AT ALL was uttered within the first month.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion. I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.


*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured. He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"

Yep. It was decided organically in our friend circle. None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word. I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything. Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife. They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

You're projecting, or possibly you got married young? DP but my DH told his best friend he was going to marry me after our first date (I didn't find this out until much later). I was still seeing other people at the time. He was also the one who brought up moving in together, a bit before I was ready, although that was lease-dependent and not really his fault. The idea that women want marriage and men just want BJs sounds like a teenager who has gotten all of their ideas about relationships from rom-coms.

Looks without a lot of substance is a major disaster down the road. A lot of men fall for that and then are seriously bored.

You need intellectual compatibility, shared sense of humor, same morals/values and outlook on life...in addition to looks/sexual compatibility and basic genetic attributes.

My husband and I are both naturally curious about all things in life and discuss things on a deep intellectual level (politics, novels, philosophy, science)--as well as lighter. fluff topics.

I am a big proponent of the age old 'you just know'. I thought my relatives in long marriages were crazy and FOS when they used to say me when I asked how you knew somebody was right. I had a string of serious boyfriends that checked certain boxes---but when I met my husband--it was instant. Both of us in weeks were uttering 'i could see myself spending the rest of my life', etc. We had all of the other stuff WITH that intense passion/chemistry. We were 25/26 so it was before either was making the big $--but potential there.

Anonymous wrote:Fit, fun to have sex with, positive, kind, no substance abuse issues. Everything else is gravy!

This is a good list.
Being attractive is so subjective. I know women that look at most plain to me, but somehow men find them attractive. Go figure out.

Large natural breasts on a thin frame.

Anonymous wrote:Attractive, not crazy, enjoys sex are tops. Everything else is negotiable

Sounds about right based on feedback from men over the years

Not sure I was particularly looking out for this as a young man, but qualities in my wife that have made me really appreciate our marriage:

1. She's incredibly competent.
2. She's very loyal to friends and family in general and has never given me cause to question her loyalty.
3. We see eye-to-eye on religion and politics.
4. She's very loving to our kids.
5. She's good looking.
6. She seems mostly impressed by me and seems to like me after all these years.

Our sex life could be better, but the plusses very much outweigh the minuses, so I'll call it a win.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men don’t initiate the marriage discussion. I don’t think it’s really even on their minds when they are dating.

Here is how men decide to get married:
1). They like their girlfriend.
2). She wants to get married.

Of the ten or so couples I knew pretty well when they got engaged, only one got engaged without some sort of ultimatum, even if it was given very softly and sweetly.


*The one that got engaged without prompting was kind of OCPD and likes to have his life very structured. He also made all of the decisions about their house, their car, when to have their first child, etc.

False, my husband bought a right a month after dating "knew I was he one"

Yep. It was decided organically in our friend circle. None of us would have married any of
the guys if we had to give them an ultimatum.

BS.

I doubt that your friends just organically found themselves engaged without a series of discussions about their relationship, mostly initiated by the woman.

But maybe ultimatum is too strong of a word. I don't mean that they had some sort of big blow-up about it or anything. Just that in these discussions, women generally let it be known that they are looking for marriage and children, or that they want the actual vows if they were going to remain monogamous, or something along those lines.

I don't really think that most men go into dating with the goal of finding a wife. They find a girl they like and start dating, and most men are pretty happy to continue the status quo of dating and having sex until something comes along to threaten it one way or another.

Anonymous wrote:My husband wanted me to be skinny and smart. I'm still skinny after a bunch of kids and we are pretty happy so I guess it worked.

So he'd turf you out if you gained some weight? Ah, true love

Fit, fun to have sex with, positive, kind, no substance abuse issues. Everything else is gravy!