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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I feel for you. He may not have been taught how to pull his own weight as a kid, so in this case you need to start back from square one.

Make a chore chart, which clearly outlines your tasks, and his tasks. If your kids are old enough, maybe even have them help you with something. If he doesn't get his tasks done, then he has to pay to hire someone to do them. If he doesn't get one of his tasks done that could easily be done by you, he has to pay you for you to do it. That should get him to do the tasks.

As well as doing this, also withhold privledges that relate to the tasks. Ex.

DH: I wanna go play outside with the kids.

OP: Well, because you didn't mow, you can't play out there because you could get ticks. But, if you do it now, after you and the kids are done you can go outside.

Or:

DH: Time to go to our fancy dinner!
OP: Well, you didn't help me clean up the house today, so the house is a mess. We can't leave the house with it looking like this. But, if you help me do it now, then we can go tommorrow.

Hopefully this helps![/quote]

I don't mean to be unkind, but this is just having a third child. There is no reason on earth that anyone should have to engage in this sort of ridiculousness with their spouse.[/quote]

He’ll get angry and lash out if you do that, show him his shortcomings. He definitely won’t apologize, clean up his messes and then pack the diaper bag and whisk OP off to the restaurant and park. [/quote]

Yup. He doesn't wish to help. If you ask him angrily or cheerfully or however else, he still isn't going to wish to help, and you cannot make him, and he is abundantly aware of that. There is no answer to "how do I get my angry, resentful husband to act like a grown-up and take some responsibility", because this is entirely in his hands. The things my husband said to me when we were going through this phase were insane. He told me, entirely seriously, that there was no point in cleaning because it was just going to get messy again, and then got angry at me for cleaning. But he would also get angry if our place was messy, so really what he wanted was for everything to be done with no evidence that anyone was doing it and with no contributions from him. This was not about me and it's not about you. [/quote]

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