Reply to Can I say I hate you TOO right now for being nasty to me?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have read in a few parenting books that it’s okay for kids to say “I hate you” because it’s legitimately what they are feeling and it’s okay to express feelings. But it’s also a hurtful thing to say so I think maybe it’s valid to say they can’t be hurtful like that even if some parenting experts agree.

Point is OP, I don’t think that you don’t have to tell your kids to not say they hate you. Depending on how angry they are it might not be a battle I choose. I would say “that’s incredibly hurtful and I need to walk away from this situation before I say something I regret” or something like that. [/quote]

I don't think it's okay for kids to say they hate you, so much as it's understandable and it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing it does if an adult says it.  Adolescents feel things very intensely, they don't have the same impulse control, or perspective, and they are quite naturally testing some boundaries.  I think a parent's job is to acknowledge the feelings behind it, but also to help them understand that it's a hurtful thing to say, and to learn better ways to express anger or frustration.  You express that you love them, no matter what, but that what they said is hurtful -- and you model how you'd like them to react.  Saying that it's hurtful and taking a break to calm down is a good way to do that.  [/quote]

PP.  I agree with you, I just felt like pointing out that it’s not always necessary to say “don’t say you hate me, it’s not okay.” [/quote]

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