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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like you’re being the cheap one here, not your DH.  At least he’s willing to consider the contractors that your neighbor recommended.

What is the problem with pay and permitting concerns?  It sounds like you want the deck built but you don’t want to hire a reputable (i.e., more expensive) contractor to do the work.

You should be getting any necessary permits and making sure the work is up to code.  You can be slapped with a hefty fine by your municipality if you don’t have a required permit.  And haven’t you heard about deck collapses in the news and all the injuries that can result from them?  Being on the wrong end of a lawsuit can be even more expensive than paying a reputable contractor.  [/quote]

The point, is exactly the opposite, thank you for pointing that out.  I am trying to save money by trying to avoid problematic deck people - which neighbor admitted about their recommendations.  Would you hire someone if you were told they do not do their job properly?

Some of these PPs do not make sense. Maybe they are MIL (she can be rather antagonistic).

Does anyone have any other thoughts on what the behavior is called, besides "people pleasing", or is that pretty much it?

I am wondering if there is some bullying involved, as I know MIL can be quite a bully.  Another example (for those who so enjoy these) is when DH first moved in with me, MIL would often remark on our place, like it was "fancy".  It was under 900 square feet, and anything but!  I think she had a problem with me being different than her? DH sometimes gets indignant about that, and sometimes will "undo" things that I have done (ie cleaning out the carport, for example).  As if I am not supposed to clean anything or something?  Maybe by my cleaning something, no matter how innocuous, I am being "fancy"? Maybe we should be living like a Hoarders episode, instead? Who knows. Maybe these examples mean nothing - I do see some parallels myself. Glad none of you have been through such weirdness. :) [/quote]

PP here.  In your original post you wrote:

“So, DH asked a neighbor for references of companies the neighbor is familiar with, since the neighbor is in the business. Neighbor sent some ideas, with notes about each one, and how they work, which I thought was more than generous. [b]Most of the notes have to with with pay/permitting concerns ([/b]which doesn't fly with me, [b]so I say we don't have to pursue any of them - why would we??[/b])

Again, neighbor is in the business, so neighbor knows how to alleviate any concerns, but not enough to manage our project (which I would never expect). DH says we have to interview all of them, and use one of them, since we went through the trouble of asking the neighbor. Does this make sense? [b]As if we have to "please" the neighbor, [/b][b]even if it means blowing extra money [/b]and time and effort and heartache - which, with our jobs and responsibilities, [b]we can not afford (not to mention the money). I can't fathom spending extra money to make the neighbor (??) happy. [/b][b]“

I was left with the impression that those were [b]your[/b] concerns, not your DH’s.

Perhaps you should write a draft, leave if for a while and then come back to it and edit it as your posts are difficult to understand clearly.

You don’t have to diagnose your DH.  You only need to ask yourself if you’re willing to live with it.  If you want to stay with him, get some therapy so you can learn how to deal with him.

[/quote]

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