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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think being triggered is a part of it, therapy helps a lot and over time it can be expected to lessen as you process and come to know what happened. I read a lot, about other people's experiences and how they healed. I let myself feel every crazy, f ing emotion and i also let him see my pain and what he did. He was both surprised I cared as much as I did and deeply ashamed and remorseful. I said you must return to your own therapy and he did. I said you must understand you carry the load for us staying together, I might leave, I meant it and he responded.  It took time...one day about 2 years later, after we moved to a new beautiful house, i just broke down again. I remember asking him why....that i never really understood and he said things to me about his loneliness at that time and for whatever reason, i knew it was true and it was a turning point in being able to let a lot go and trust enough to go forward. Thete are no guarantees in any relationship.[/quote]
Also, I was relieved I found out the truth. Some women are married for decades to men who were completely faithful. They retain that innocence. But for many of us, it just does not go that way. I wish it did for us, but it did not. The only choice going forward was...did i want to rebuild something new with this person going forward? Ask yourself that.  I did and i am glad I stayed. I love this guy deeply and I know he loves me deeply too, probably more than before. We had a whole, interconnected life together.  If you both do the work it can bond you and make you stronger....it is like having been in combat together. And I know I can handle whatever happens, alone or together, because it brought me to my knees, but I survived. You will too. [/quote]

OP here. This is such amazing/practical insight/emotions and can only come from people who have gone through this. Thank you so much. 
As a PP said, trust and safety can be an illusion. This has taught me how strong I am, and brought my DH and I closer in many ways. But what I wouldn’t give to erase what he did/the pain. DH is always planning for the future—we are going to travel here/there when kids get older, let’s buy this/that, but I can’t even think about the future. [/quote]

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