Reply to Emotional affair recovery

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Emotional affair recovery "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Betrayal can be a trauma. When I found out my husband had an affair, it was a trauma for me. I needed extensive individual therapy and couples therapy to help me heal. We are still together and worked to have a happy, healthy marriage again.

Key for us is my husband’s willingness to be transparent in his life - I don’t have to wonder because he tells me where his is and I have access to all phones, computers, and bank accounts.

Also, DH is very supportive of helping me heal and listening to my pain and triggers. He has been patient. It can take 3-5 years to heal from betrayal trauma. We’re at 18 months, and I still have triggers. He listens to my fears and pain and has remorse, guilt, and shame for his actions. This makes me feel safe in that I believe he thinks his actions were wrong and knows how much he hurt me.

Do I fully trust him?  No, but I’ve made peace with that.  I trust him on many things. Blind trust will never be a part of our life and he has made peace with that as well.

Am I fully healed?  No. It’s a process. I’m much better than where I was when I first found out. We both view this as a lifelong journey we want to take together. Sometimes DH is sad that certain places/activities are triggers for me. He’ll ask if I’ll ever be “healed.”  I don’t know the answer. Only that I’m still hurting now and working on healing.

I really work to stay in today. Reliving past events when you have no power to change them doesn’t give you the gift of peace today. Staying spiritually, physically, and emotionally strong helps me forgive and be happy today. It takes self discipline to recognize your emotions and let go of past events. Therapy can help you with the process. EMDR can lower the volume on the pain and anxiety. [/quote]

OP again. You are lucky that your husband is so open and supportive. 
My DH downplayed everything at the time.  Over a year later, we never talk about the affair and I don’t feel like I can bring it up, as I know he will ask why it’s still bothering me. And I think—things are going so well that I should leave it alone. He is definitely avoidant and I think that it will cause major tension between us. So I’m avoiding as well. He does know that if he ever slips again, I’m out. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics