Reply to how to have a close family and stop this generational problem

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]See a therapist, make sure you are in a good place emotionally as you raise your kids. I worry about this too but I think the "I would die" language is concerning. Use firm but positive parenting strategies. Focus on having good communication as a family. If anyone in the family is struggling get help.

Some siblings will have conflict no matter what you do, but most families like this (including mine) have trauma that makes it hard for us to be around each other.[/quote]

OP here and that’s what gets me...we DONT have any trauma, thank God. Our parents are still married. We grew up white, middle class. No abuse, drugs. My siblings just hate each other. We don’t spend holidays together. It’s...bizarre.

As for the “I would die”...perhaps that’s extreme, but family is SO important to me. Even growing up I knew my family wasn’t close like other families. I didn’t have grandparents or cousins and I desperately wanted them. So yes, I’ll be upset if my children don’t speak to each other. I’ll be upset if we don’t gather around the table...ever.

I just can’t believe sometimes that I’ll probably never see my siblings again at the same time, until my parents funeral. That’s grim.[/quote]

Sorry OP but there is trauma. I have zero contact with my sister because she was abusive. There are plenty of relatives in my family who truly, honestly think nothing happened, or that something got overblown, or there was a misunderstanding. Major estrangements do not happen for those reasons. You definitely need to see a therapist and read more about these dynamics. Frankly the fact that your primary concern is that YOU will not have some postcard holiday event with the siblings and/or extended family is not a promising sign. [/quote]

This. I could have written this. I think you are living in denial or just lacking insight or empathy if you think your siblings are not close for no reason whatsoever. I agree with the poster who said your language is concerning.."I would die!" is melodramatic and extreme. Therapy might help you be more realistic and have more insights into your family dynamics.[/quote]

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