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[quote=Anonymous]#1. They have to want to change.  Sincerely.  This can’t be a case of I got caught, I’ll appease and play along for awhile.

And, if they sincerely no longer want to be a dirtball, they have to believe you will divorce them in a second if there is even a hint of lying/unfaithfulness ever again.

Many therapists advise kicking them out initially when you find out.  They have to really fear they are losing everything—you, kids, home, etc.

They also should be willing to offer up anything if they want to stay in the marriage: high stakes to make you feel comfortable in case they slide.  This can be a post-nuptial agreement, etc.  If I were female and done having children, a vasectomy would also be required.  A cheater wouldn’t balk at any of this if he was truly remorseful.

Individual therapy for a long, long time for the cheater.  They also need to cut off any enabling friends—-bros or hos that cheat on their spouses/boyfriends/girlfriends....bye, bye.  They can’t be around low moral people anymore.  Who you associate with says a lot about you and what you will do.

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