Reply to Anyone else sad at how their life turned out?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=jsmith123]It's totally normal to grieve an outcome that never materialized.

But if you get stuck in that grief, and it embitters you, consider seeing someone.  [/quote]

+1.

OP, your feelings are completely understandable. However, as we all know, how you feel about things changes nothing about the reality of them. It's more productive to enjoy what you have and to take steps to address what you aren't happy with.

Have you tried talking to your husband about how you feel? Could you talk to your doctor about whether you might be able to have another child? Have you considered adoption? Is there another career that you can pursue?

Good luck! [/quote]

OP here. Thanks for this (and to everyone else who responded).

[b]We’ve done therapy for years and nothing helps. He’s just not into me and therapy won’t fix that. [/b]

I can physically have children, but I’m not going to bring any more into this marriage. It wouldn’t be fair to the child. And I don’t think divorcing so I could have more kids is fair to my DC. [/quote]

I don't know your marriage or what therapy was like for you, but I do think therapy could help you figure out what to do with these pieces of your life that are disappointing you. Your marriage sounds sterile, which is so troubling. It would be one thing if it was just not enough sex or affection (I think those are common complaints) but to say your husband never really cared for you and still doesn't is a lot. I think going to therapy on your own and looking at how feeling unloved in your marriage (and potentially in your FOO too if I'm reading between the lines) is paralyzing you in your unhappiness.

I agree having another child is a bad idea in this setting, but I do think you need to spend some time figuring out what it is you want. You say your life doesn't look the way you envisioned before. Well, what do you envision for yourself 10 years from now. If it's not the big family, what is it? And what resources do you have now to get there? Could you go back to school to study something you love? Is there a way for you to still work in the industry you left even if health issues keep you from pursuing the specific job you had? Do you have friends or family you envy and if so, what do you envy about their lives? This is a good way to figure out what exactly you want.

My primary advice is therapy (for you, not just couple's therapy) and focus on what you need to be happy outside your relationship. I think pursuing a life goal will help clarify what is going on in your relationship and help you figure out if it can be repaired or if there is a way to move on.[/quote]

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