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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Above all else:  a shared faith in God

Access to the sacrament of reconciliation--to all the graces from all the sacraments

Openness to children

Humility, a willingness to ask for forgiveness and to forgive

A wild, passionate, crazy obsession with each other's bodies that gets more intense every day

Appreciation that each of us lays down our life for one other every day

The most intimate, intellectual, joyful, trusting, loyal friendship of all our friendships is with each other

After all else:  a shared faith in God[/quote]

I could have written this for you.  You say the same thing over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over.[/quote]

Hey, crazy mom of almost 9 here.  I do not mean to offend in any way.  I know I've said bits and pieces about my views on marriage here and there, but I don't recall putting it all together before.

What I do see over and over here are heartbreaking stories of failed and struggling marriages.  What keeps drawing me back here are these endless descriptions of marriages I don't recognize.  Not that I don't know about the hard work it takes to sustain a marriage--I see that in my family and friends.  What I don't see is so much bitterness and betrayal and lack of sex (at least, with your actual spouse) and frustration and selfishness and poor communication etc. Most of the spouses I know truly desire "the good" for one another.

So when I share my beliefs about a happy marriage, on this thread and others, it is in the hopes that my alternative perspective might resonate with someone who is feeling a sense of hopelessness.  Research has consistently shown that faithful couples most likely have faith, pray together, forgive each other, have sex often, and use NFP rather than artificial contraception.  Maybe none of that is for you, personally, but it is good to at least ask yourself, why?  Why do these things help?

Its ok if you think I'm crazy.  I just wish I could substitute joy for the crushing sadness I see here all the time.  The way to a happy marriage is no secret.  But it is countercultural.[/quote]

Hey crazy mom of almost 9.  I'm very sorry for my rude post.  I had a pretty bad day, came home, went to yoga, and thought about this nasty post and felt bad.  I'm truly sorry that I made you feel like you had to explain your nice post. [/quote]

PP, my goodness, you didn't need to say all that!  I am truly touched by your kindness, thank you.  You must be an excellent spouse!  ;)

Look, I need to make one thing very clear:  I am a complete and total screw-up.  I have been a horrible daughter, a terrible wife, and an awful mother.  I spent years away from my faith.  (PP, we were once an atheist-atheist couple, too).  I have committed most every sin there is and still have lots of bad habits from my past.  Thank God none of us get what we truly deserve.

It is precisely BECAUSE of all the terrible mistakes I've made that I am drawn here.  If I wanted to stay in my little Catholic bubble, I could--NOVA is good for that.  Though, of course, no sin known to humanity is unknown to our community, too--goes without saying.  But feeling high and mighty?  The exact opposite.

As for not having anything in common...no!  Are we not wives and mothers and women, trying to fulfill all our responsibilities and be happy?  I might have talked to you on the playground.  If I didn't have all my kids with me, would you ever have known?

And if you did see me with all of my kids, what would you think?  Crazy lady?  Religious nutcase?  Oppressed by her husband and her faith?  Or would you see highly educated, fiercely independent, deep thinking, messy but trying woman with a self-deprecating sense of humor?

I have treasured all the responses I have seen here.  Thank you for sharing your wisdom.[/quote]

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