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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Above all else:  a shared faith in God

Access to the sacrament of reconciliation--to all the graces from all the sacraments

Openness to children

Humility, a willingness to ask for forgiveness and to forgive

A wild, passionate, crazy obsession with each other's bodies that gets more intense every day

Appreciation that each of us lays down our life for one other every day

The most intimate, intellectual, joyful, trusting, loyal friendship of all our friendships is with each other

After all else:  a shared faith in God[/quote]

I could have written this for you.  You say the same thing over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over.[/quote]

Hey, crazy mom of almost 9 here.  I do not mean to offend in any way.  I know I've said bits and pieces about my views on marriage here and there, but I don't recall putting it all together before.

What I do see over and over here are heartbreaking stories of failed and struggling marriages.  What keeps drawing me back here are these endless descriptions of marriages I don't recognize.  Not that I don't know about the hard work it takes to sustain a marriage--I see that in my family and friends.  What I don't see is so much bitterness and betrayal and lack of sex (at least, with your actual spouse) and frustration and selfishness and poor communication etc. Most of the spouses I know truly desire "the good" for one another.

So when I share my beliefs about a happy marriage, on this thread and others, it is in the hopes that my alternative perspective might resonate with someone who is feeling a sense of hopelessness.  Research has consistently shown that faithful couples most likely have faith, pray together, forgive each other, have sex often, and use NFP rather than artificial contraception.  Maybe none of that is for you, personally, but it is good to at least ask yourself, why?  Why do these things help?

Its ok if you think I'm crazy.  I just wish I could substitute joy for the crushing sadness I see here all the time.  The way to a happy marriage is no secret.  But it is countercultural.[/quote]

I'm happy for you, PP, that you have found happiness and what it means to you.

As an atheist married to another atheist (both from Christian upbringings), it kind of makes it sound like if we don't believe in a higher faith, we are missing something in our lives and relationship.  However, you can have similar conversations/thoughts/beliefs about science, too. It is more about meshing philosophically and ethically; if for you, that means religion, that's your common ground; for us, we have found our common ground in the absence of religion. We also find it fascinating to learn more about other religions and we discuss those beliefs often too.

On another note, we practiced NFP twice - and we have two kids. Clearly I don't just ovulate once a month.

And I actually disagree about your research on faithful vs. nonfaithful. The divorce rate in the red states is just as high as in the blue states (not that they aren't all turning purple now!). I know more people of faith who have divorced than not. I'd be interested in seeing your data.
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