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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I’ve been saying my boyfriend for a little over a year. I recently ended it with him because I felt like I was not getting the commitment I want and need. I was very open about wanting to settle down and have a family within the next couple of years. We had many talks about this throughout our relationship. I told him I had a timeline and that I wanted to be engaged by 1 year. I normally would let the relationship develop naturally but I’m 35 and do not have time to wait.

I broke up with him yesterday at his place. I told him I love him and I’m in love with him but I just can’t stay in a relationship that is not headed in the direction I want. He was stunned and said that he loved me and that he didn’t want to break up. I left. Today he has called me all day and sent me texts saying he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. He had been looking at rings and he had planned to propose later this year. I want to believe him but I don’t know if he is only saying this to win me back. I love him and it was so hard to breakup with him, but I don’t want him to think me getting back together means he can have me without marriage. I feel I need a stronger commitment like an engagement to get back together. I [b]don’t want him to feel forced into. I want him to ask me because he wants to marry me, not because he feels he will lose me. [/b]I don’t know if I should get back together and tell him I need a commitment or move on.

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OP, you’ve answered your own question.  You and he were on different life timelines.  If you go back to him, you will forever feel like he just proposed because you forced him.  You want someone who is more excited and transparent about planning life together with you. There is nothing wrong with that.

Start dating ASAP.  Ask your ex-BF not to contact you for a few months. You both need time to think about your life and see other people. Encourage him to do the same.  If he’s honest with himself, he will explore what made him slow to share with you what (and when) your lives together would develop.

When you date other people, look for those that truly and honestly reveal their past, present and future plans.  Compare words and actions constantly - stay away from misalignments between these.  Focus a lot on building your own life w/o a BF - building your career and savings so you can do things like buy a house, have kids and retire. Don’t get sucked into a love bomber who moves quickly to marriage. [/quote]

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