Reply to First responder sibling losing their mind

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "First responder sibling losing their mind"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP- I guess my question is: is there some happy medium where our kids can be friends and we can maintain a decent relationship? How can I manage this without stress?

I am wondering if my only option is to just ignore the outbursts, even if they are painful. Or somehow figure out a way of thinking of them so they aren’t painful?[/quote]

The way to think about them is to realize that they aren't really about you at all.  For whatever reason, this is how your sister vents her anxiety and stress, which is almost certainly through the roof these days.  It's unfortunate, but there it is.  It's not something you can fix.

If you miss her and want to have some kind of relationship, then you just let her outbursts roll on by.  Don't lean on her for support.  Screen your phone calls.  Don't respond to texts immediately.  Let her vent about whatever her stress is, but remember that it's not your problem to solve.  Express sympathy, but don't engage.  Don't take any of it personally.  Skip the dramatic or exclusionary gestures -- not telling her that you were having major surgery was making a HUGE statement, whether or not you meant to, and probably felt quite hurtful.  If you need a break, don't make an announcement that you're cutting her off, just dial back the contact.

It might seem like this is unfair, but fair doesn't have anything to do with it.  If you want a relationship with her, you have to just figure out a way to depersonalize her outbursts.  They aren't really about you.  Be kind and supportive, feel free to end the conversation if she's yelling at you and it's too much in the moment, and just accept that this is the way she is.  You don't have to be a doormat -- if she's being really awful, walk away.  But this is an issue that only she can fix, and only when she wants to.  There's no point fighting about it.

[/quote]

This is the best advice I’ve ever received on this. Who are you? Thank you!![/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics