Reply to Wife's odd reaction to my parents and "fun secrets"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was sexually abused as a kid...and I think your wife's reaction is overwrought and sad.  Your kid is NOT keeping a secret, quite obviously.  And the "secret" she is keeping, or not keeping, is so innocuous and wholesome and APPROPRIATE.  While her baby sister is sleeping she and grandma eat popsicles and watch TV?

Laugh with her at this fun with grandma and her specialness to have this treat.  I can't for the life of me see how this would set her up for "grooming" by a pedophile...to know that while her sister is sleeping, she and grandma have secret popsicles and tv together...that translates into the notion that secrets should be kept from Mom and Mommy about strangers touching her body?  This is so incredibly farfetched.

By the way, the whole "grooming" phenomenon is statistically very over-focused on by parents.  I know when I was molested, it was very much a crime of opportunity for the pedophile.  He didn't know my brother and me before that day and we happened to be playing alone.  Supervising your children is much more important that installing this fear of their loved ones in them, as if never having secret popsicles with grandma somehow protects you from being sexually molested?  No, it doesn't.  False correlation and anxiety talking.  [/quote]

Well, I was abused by my stepfather for years, and he very much groomed me to keep secrets. I held that secret until I was a teenager, and by that point I was so good about keeping secrets that my stepbrother also abused me and I was hiding my mother’s alcoholism form everyone.

So no, it’s not hyper focused on. Most abusers are the face next door, or in the house.

And FWIW, it doesn’t usually start with abuse. It starts with something that seems innocent enough, like popsicles in bed when alone. Then it turns into a crime of opportunity, but the secret Behaviour about doing special things only together that you’re not really supposed to do, is already established. [/quote]

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