Reply to Wife's odd reaction to my parents and "fun secrets"

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm joining the chorus that while keeping surprises that will be revealed soon is fine, keeping secrets from parents is never okay.

I think your mom sounds great.  She reminds me of my grandmother.  On my visits to her, I'd eat cinnamon toast in bed while she read Little House on the Prairie to me.  Lots of things I did at my grandparents' house, would not have been allowed at my own house, but they weren't kept secret.  It was just understood by everyone that the rules were different there.  My parents knew  my grandparents would keep me safe, and beyond that, were willing to allow my grandparents discretion.

Beyond concerns over pedophilia, keeping secrets from parents really comes down to this.  Either the parent would be fine with the secret (like popsicles in bed), making the secret pointless or the parent would have a problem with it, at which point the parent's position should be respected.  The grandparent is undercutting the parent's authority and putting the kid in the middle.

Imagine hypothetically:

I know your parent thinks kids shouldn't have any screen time, but here you can watch/play as much as you want, it'll just be our secret.

I know your parent makes you wear a seatbelt, but I don't like wearing one.  Seatbelts here are optional, it'll just be our secret.

I know your parent is an atheist, but I'm going to take you to my place of worship and it'll just be our secret.

I know your parent said you can't (date someone specific, go to a party, stay out late, etc.), but go ahead and it'll just be our secret.

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