Reply to Feeling angry about my husband and 2 kids that never clean up after themselves.

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[quote=Anonymous]Been married for 40 plus years. Two sons. Same scenario. What I didn't realize until recently, like the last 3 months since my husband lost his job is this, males are wired differently than females. A whole lot different. They don't see the way we see things. I don't know why I didn't see this early on because there were big glaring signs right in my face but I guess I was so focused on keeping the mess under control, constantly stressing about it and being exhausted all the time I just did not see it. I always felt like the gatekeeper but never really going through the gate. I was not here to clean up everyone's mess. I deserved a life too.

My advice, either do the cleanup yourself when they aren't around or let it go. It's a no win situation for you. They like the mess. You aren't being heard. Nothing will get resolved. When any of them question where is this, where is that, you say I don't know and go about your business. It takes time to let go but it will happen. I tried crying, making lists, paying them, blaming my husband, going on strike, going away for the weekend. NOTHING WORKED.

The day I said okay, I am no longer the gatekeeper fetching mess, I cut my stress in half. Then Dad took over. Once he changed the rest followed. All I said was you do your part and I'll do mine. I can no longer do everyone's part. We either form a team or things can go to s. Whichever way this goes is up to you. Today is the day.

I overlooked the little things and Dad looked after the big things. Once we got on the same page things got much better. It took a while but it all worked.

Try to find some common ground. Use love in your words and watch them understand. Tell them you can't be all things. They will choose what kind of mother/wife they want.

good luck.[/quote]

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