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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t mean to disparage your advice but please do not minimize or discount emotional abuse as “mean words”. It’s much more insidiously destructive - and real- with potentially devestating consequences.

-survivor [/quote]

so true.  I am also a survivor.  OP, are you seeing a counselor?  You can do that via telemedicine during the pandemic.  Your health insurance should pay for part.  Your DH cannot use it against you in custody if you are seeing a psychiatrist and/or counselor.  You need a professional individual counselor (individual not marital) on a weekly basis to take care of yourself -- help you deal with your depression from job loss and strategize about new work, help you deal with any postpartum depression (even if you now feel "over" it), and most importantly learn how to withstand the emotional abuse and plan for divorce and independence.

IMO, you should pretty much "grey rock" your spouse.  You cannot rationalize an abuser into stopping the abuse.  Do not engage him.  Do not tell him what he is doing wrong or how you would like things to go.  Do not speak with him any more about divorce.  He has no input into your decision on that, so why are you even discussing?  Just take care of yourself, seek counseling and legal representation.  Get yourself organized and file and leave when you feel ready.   Simply grey rock him until then -- interact politely with him, but do not go out of your way to spend time with him or respond in any meaningful way to his abuse.  (Next time he tells you, you are a bad mom, simply say "hmm" or "interesting" or "input noted" and walk away.

You owe an abuser nothing.  You owe it to your kids to leave when the time is right.

I know you are really down about your job prospects, but keep trying.  It's embarrassing to be unemployed (although it shouldn't be) but let your friends now you are looking for work. Consider alternative training (can you teach?) or admin work or government work. [/quote]

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