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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here, my wife says the same thing about me, although not so much the disrespect part but more that I don't listen and don't understand her on a deep level.  That I am too superficial and wouldn't care if she left.  It's heartbreaking to hear, it's not true of course but it puts a huge hole in our relationship and our intimate life is horrible and has been for years.  I check a lot of boxes on paper for sure, but if she doesn't feel loved it's hard to turn that around.

My recommendation is to try therapy before it's too late which it probably is for us although we are trying to stay together for the kids.[/quote]

NP here, and I have said some of the same things to my husband, and he responds the same way, telling me that it’s heartbreaking and not true.  Our intimate life is fine and probably more adventurous and frequent than before we were married since that’s the only way we really connect at all.

But I don’t understand what he means when he says that it’s not true.  I feel like he would care because he wouldn’t like the social stigma of divorce, and he would miss someone cooking his meals, having sex with him, and being generally a good conversationalist.  But it doesn’t feel like what he would miss is worth me giving my entire life over to him.  So I often wonder what I am doing here.  In this life that’s kind of molded around my husband’s.  I don’t really even want to be divorced.  I just want to be free to live my own life without his judgements or statements that I am breaking his heart.

But then if it really is true, if it really would break his heart, if your wife really would be breaking yours, if he really loves me the way that I love him, then of course, I would give him everything.

I wish I knew if he really loved me or if he just says that because it would be inconvenient for him if I left.  [/quote]

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