Reply to My spouse doesn’t desire to understand me.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I could have written this post, OP. I have felt this way about DH often and especially recently. He has historically taken little interest in my goings-on and feelings, and its worse in recent months. I am trying to pursue couples therapy with him but multiple times he has expressed that we don't need it (which feels like another minimization of my feelings so there you go). Have you tried or ever even discussed therapy?[/quote]

OP here. I'm sorry you're going through this as well. We have discussed therapy, but have never gotten anywhere. I can take blame for that...I haven't taken the steps to get it set up. But, in my mind, I'm like, why am I always the one who has to take the leap? Why am I always the one who's trying to fix the wrong? Why am I always the one crying and upset? Meanwhile my husband just sits back and lives his life like it's all good. It hurts that he won't take the initiative himself to get us started in therapy, but, I know it's immature of me to think this way. I think I will finally take the step and stop making excuses. [/quote]
IMO.... it seems that men rarely take the initiative to fix a marriage.   I find they'd rather ignore it, and then cheat and blame the spouse for the reason why he cheated.[/quote]

It seems women rarely leave a broken marriage to a man who "just doesn't understand me..."  so they grow to despise him while cutting off the sex .... yet stay married to this "self centered jerk". Then when he eventually goes elsewhere (duh!) they call him a "cheater".[/quote]

This is a chicken and egg scenario.  The woman feels that the man has emotionally abandoned her, doesn't respect her feelings, so yea, she doesn't want to have sex with him.[/quote]

Right, exactly my point. She stays married, on the premise that "he's a good enough provider, not abusive, decent enough father, takes out the trash, etc" but since he doesn't respect her feelings he gets no sex.

All I am saying: if this describes your marriage, Yes he is having sex with other women, and NO he is not a cheater. Do not stay married to a man you don't want sex with. If you do, this is an open marriage.[/quote]

Ok.  But can we agree that if he is incapable of caring about another human being unless the relationship can benefit him, then he should not get any custody or unsupervised visitation in a divorce?  I think many women in this situation would agree to dissolving the marriage and letting him date and have sex freely if the kids don’t end up in the middle of it.

But yeah, if you want to see your kids, then you should try to become a human being capable of love and empathy or accept that you are going to be the villain in this story.  
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