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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And yes no bribery - this needs to become a "this is what we do in our family, we help each other and take care of our home" thing, but that will take some time to build. It's okay - they are still young OP, you can totally do this! It will feel hard now but be so much better later. And don't just come up with these expectations in your head and then start placing them on them, they won't get it because they weren't expectations before. Maybe start having sunday family meetings. At the first one talk through very simply and not in a threatening way, that you are going to try some new things as a family. Give them a couple small expectations. Then practice that week. Then check in the next week. And don't make it "and if you guys do this great this week we will go to ice cream!" that will get you temporary behavior but it won't last, it's not what you need. You have to work on building the family values in the home and sticking to it. you got this! [/quote]

I respectfully disagree!  "bribery" in the form of a token economy is a perfectly acceptable way to create behavior you want to see.  OP should read Kazdin.  If you start with the cleaning up as toddlers, as you wisely did, you can skip bribery. But[b] OP's daughter is 8, and she's not going to listen to "everyone in the family cleans up!"[/b]

I do agree with you that have to start very small.  Very very small. Both the reward and the task are very small.  For example, I started my 7 year old on doing one tiny thing:  clearing his breakfast dishes every morning.  He gets 2 tokens (worth 25 cents each) every time he does it on his own with no reminders; 1 for a reminder.  Over the course of about 3 months of this, he now automatically clears his bowl every morning.  From there, we are working up to more chores.  [/quote]

This is ridiculous.  "In this house, we clean up after ourselves, or we face consequences until we do." [/quote]

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