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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I wish it were a situation where I could just "talk to the doctor."  Oh how I wish.  My mother goes to doctors constantly, in fact she doctor shops for every complaint under the sun.  She has a new doctor every few weeks.  Every phone call she tells me about a new bizarre symptom.  She regularly fires her doctor(s) and then has a new parade of symptoms/syndromes that she feels have been ignored.

Also, she won't take any medication at all.  She has vast paranoias about medications.  She's like an anti-vaxxer. 
 She has very high blood pressure and has stopped taking medication for that.  I think the dementia is caused by the BP.  The whole situation is beyond belief.

I spend a couple hundred in tips for each visit.[/quote]

OP my heart goes out to you. i am the one who wrote I so relate. I would rant here about my own parents, but I posted this morning on health and medicine wondering if I was having a heart attack, reflux, gas or panic,. Dealing with them when all the other stresses in my life is the last straw. I can cope with a lot, but the amount of anger, paranoia, anxiety, etc I deal with from them just does me in. Someone on here many months ago said she had to stop trying to protect her parents from themselves and just focus on protecting the world from them (e.g. making sure they are safe to drive). I have needed to do that to some degree.

I refuse to do this to my kids. I will have clear DNR directives. If I get cancer past a certain age I will opt for palliative. I will monitor my brain yearly after a certain age with cognitive testing, etc and if I go from say mild to moderate Alz. I will fly somewhere it is legal to end it. First I will take the fam on a big trip and I shall eat all.the.desserts since I never eat sugar. Then I shall go on my terms. I do not want to do in the health of everyone around me and I refuse to turn into an anger, bitter and paranoid person.[/quote]

You think you are in control of your future?  Get real.  It's very easy to say "I will do this or that" when you reach a certain stage.  Unless you've gone through it - you have no idea.

My mother was in perfect health, very active, no mental/acuity issues.  One day she's getting ready to go out for lunch, walks across the kitchen and BOOM - a massive stroke.  She wound up paralyzed and in a full-care nursing home for the last years of her life.  So what would you do in this scenario, since you think you would be in control?

My father had cancer and like most people, he began treatment because he had HOPE to live a bit longer.  Slowly but surely his condition got worse.  At no point in his journey would he have been able to get on a plane, go somewhere where it was "legal" to end it, nor could he eat lots of desserts due to relentless nausea.  When the cancer reached his brain, he became paranoid and angry without any reason whatsoever.  (Speaking of euthanization, read up on what is required for this.  Getting moderate-level cognitive decline won't cut it, even in countries overseas so be prepared to do the deed yourself.)

You have a LOT to learn about end of life situations and death itself.  Get a book by Kubler-Ross and start your education.  
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