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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Then your brother is an IDIOT.

He was married 5+ years before having a kid.  If he was that miserable he should have split a long time ago.

Are you Asian by chance?  They tend to have busybody mothers and put their sons on pedestals.
[/quote]
No, European... my mom can be a lot and we all know it, but she is being very careful not to invade SIL’s space. She always asks SIL if she can visit the baby and 9 out 10 is a no. My mom sees the baby maybe once every 2 weeks and they live nearby. My mom understood and she is completely out of their lives. She barely sees them. 
 [/quote]

If you think that your mother who visits the grandkid every two weeks is barely seeing them, I understand why your SIL thinks your family is ruining the marriage. Way to exaggerate and create drama.[/quote]

And then OP wants to be left with the baby without the SIL (the new mom). Why? To pretend the SIL does not exist?[/quote]

OP here. While I would love to bond with my niece, I have never asked for this... I still don’t understand why I can’t see her unless the mom is present as well, but I don’t argue with SIL about it... I never argue with her... I may not be very warm with her as I used to be, but I am not cold, mean, or argumentative. I simply don’t start conversations with her anynore[/quote]

How do you know you can't if you have not asked? You contradict yourself. Also, I'd be very uncomfortable if I was asked to leave for my SIL to play with my baby. Believe me, if you don't stop meddling and trying to make her fit into your mold, you won't be seeing your niece at all. Let go, let her be, stop making it about ”us” vs ”her”.  She wants to enjoy her new nuclear family, instead, she gets a call of new judgmental relatives with their expectations about her marriage. Do you want your brother to divorce? It looks like you are doing everything for this to happen. [/quote]

Apart from the fact that I have 3 kids and I would be totally capable of taking care of my niece for a bit, I don’t ask because I know she would be very uncomfortable since I cannot see her unless she is also present. This is NOT normal come on! I cannot see my brother and his daughter... SIL leaves my brother with they daughter all the time since she works part time, but I cannot see the baby (10 months) unless she is also present. I don’t ask if I can be alone with niece because it would obviously be a no. BTW, my brother and his wife baby sat my kids many times... so I would not find it strange that they left me alone with their daughter at all[/quote]

Let me rephrase in case I wasn’t clear. I cannot see my niece if she is alone with the nanny or with my brother. SIL has to be present. How can this be normal?!?! I understand if she thought I would harm the child, but this is the only situation in which I would understand such behavior! My parents have seen my brother and granddaughter without SIL without her knowing... [/quote]

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