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[quote=Anonymous]I think the real answer is twofold: you will subsidize his retirement if you want to have a nicer one than he can afford, and you need to tell him that you're worried you're going to resent that and he's essentially avoiding conflict with his ex at the expense of setting up conflict with you.

He needs to get child support, even if every dollar goes straight into 529s.  Explain that your income will reduce his kids' financial aid, even though you maintain separate finances.  He likely will not catch up to you (you have a higher income, another supporting parent, and more assets), but by making this change and pursuing child support you will likely resent the discrepancy less.

I understand separate finances for families such as yours, but I do think that once the kids are out and established, it doesn't make as much sense to think of the money buckets as completely separate.  If you are married to this person in retirement, aside from any money in trust for kids, the retirement pretty much has to be viewed as joint for it to work on any level.  I think you actually get that, which is why you're thinking about it now and bothered.  But if he makes changes, seeks support (and either doesn't get it or gets it but it all goes to 529s), and keeps maxing out his 401k, you have to just accept that you'll be springing for any retirement "upgrades" with your bigger bankroll - be they trips or outings or living in a nicer area.[/quote]

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