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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, you cared for your abusive dad but won't help your mom out for a few months. Your mom, who raised you and likely shielded you from your dad's abuse?  Sounds like you're blaming her for your dad's actions, which is pretty crappy.[/quote]

my grandmother raised me and when she passed, [b]I basically raised myself.[/b] My mom has always attached to men. I love my mom dearly and talk to her everyday, [b]but she has some bad qualities[/b] and I'm nervous about bringing it into our home.  [/quote]

You were the end-of-life caretaker for your abusive alcoholic father but your mom nags about watering your plants so she should stay out of your home in her time of need.

Okay.[/quote]
To be fair to the OP, it sounds like it was a time of true need for the dad, but it's more of a convenience for mom.  OP could very well be willing to have mom stay if it's an end-of-life situation or if mom was completely out of money.  Here, mom is presumably healthy and could afford an apartment, so I think it's unfair of you to expect OP to treat the two situations exactly the same.[/quote]

I'm not expecting her to treat them "exactly the same."  I'm pointing out that what her dad did was a thousand times worse, but she glossed right over it.  Her mom's problem is nagging.  Oh, and choosing the wrong men, but she won't support her when she leaves the wrong man.   [/quote]But [u]the problem is that OP's mom is likely to repeat her pattern of choosing the wrong man.  No way OP should take the risk of dealing with that in her own home[/u].[/quote]

Well, no.  According to OP, the problem is that her mom is a nag.  To wit: [quote]I'm dreading it. My mother is such a nag. "Turn these lights off", "water your plants", "you get baby sitters too much", "Larlo doesn't need candy" etc etc. It's just NON STOP and has been that way forever and she isn't going to change.[/quote]

She's not saying she doesn't want her mom to move in because a new alcoholic boyfriend will magically appear.  She's saying she doesn't want to deal with nagging.  Which is her prerogative, but to this anonymous internet poster the fact that she was an end-of-life caretaker to the alcoholic who abused her mom but won't let her mom stay in her guest bedroom for a couple of months because she doesn't want to hear "turn your lights off" is messed up.[/quote]

Why can’t it be both reasons? Or why can’t it be all the reasons rolled up into one, with the day to day annoyances being listed at the top? That’s how I’m reading it, because presumably she’s forgiven the neglect and emotional abuse from her mom during her childhood, similarly to how she forgave her dad, and while the poor choices in men and codependency are problems, mom presumably won’t jump into a new relationship next week. However, the nagging is a situation that will rear its ugly head from day 1, and it drastically affects the quality of life for OP and her family, and it opens her marriage up to major problems. To suggest OP is glossing over the other issues and trying to make her mom homeless while taking care of her abusive dad without acknowledging the nuances here is very disingenuous at best. [/quote]

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