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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like he struggles with anxiety, and that is a real condition, not just laziness or fragility. Respond with sympathy that he seems really anxious and could use to talk to a doctor or therapist about it. It’s probably true that no matter what job he has he will be overwhelmed, but this is not his fault — anxiety is a real condition of the brain. He is looking for an escape hatch because the condition is so distressing. But the correct first step is treating the anxiety and then the escape hatch might not be so necessary.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

I feel like I am your husband in some ways - I have a very fancy graduate degree that I barely use because I get overwhelmed by the high paying jobs that I'd need it for. I've jumped around careers a lot, mostly earning in the $50-70k range. I'm currently in a job I hope I can stay in for at least a few years, that pays $60k and is only moderately overly stressful.

Thank gd a million times my spouse doesn't share this same issue and is the primary breadwinner in our family. (He earns about $140k.) We absolutely rely on my income, but his is what allows us to have a nicer house, and save for retirement, and all that stuff.

Which is just by way of saying: Is there a way that you, OP, can take on the role of primary breadwinner and just handicap for your husband's work issues - which it sounds like are extremely stressful for both of you. If he goes to therapy and tries to deal with whatever he is dealing with, can he be primarily in charge of your home and you be primarily in charge of making sure your bills get met?

I don't know what the solution is otherwise. Maybe he has issues that can be treated and managed, and allow him to work in a more consistent way. But maybe not, and if not could you try to build a life around the fact that this is how he is?

There's also just the "suck it up you're a grownup with responsibilities" factor, which I hope he takes seriously. Even me, with all my "quirks," knows I can't just up and quit a stressful job without any reasonable backup plan.
'
I'm sorry. This sounds very stressful for you both.[/quote]

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