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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP you are a doctor, so you know the problems this baby could have. Fetal alcohol syndrome, etc. It’s not fair to bring that possibility into your family right now.  I know that’s harsh. I have a disabled child. It blows the entire family up. The care, the stress, the expense. Is your husband up for that? Or could it end the marriage. I love my kid more than anything. But the stress has been almost unbearable. And while we adults can deal with it, it’s super hard on siblings.   I do feel guilt for that. [/quote]

Please heed this post, OP.

You have had three children of your own since you so kindly chose to raise your nephew. You owe them your attention and your emotional and physical and financial resources too. Your husband deserves the family life and retirement he and you probably envisioned and that does not include starting over as parents to a newborn. That sounds horrid and cold, I'm sure, but situations like this can be marriage-killers as well as doing damage to the relationship with and among the four kids you already have (and I'm including your wonderful nephew as one of your kids).

You must be crystal clear with your sister and your posts are worryingly indicating you haven't been.

An earlier PP mentioned involving a social worker. Do it now, not when the baby is already here. See if you can get solid confidential advice about how to ensure that sister gets pointed toward resources herself or how to involve CPS or line up an adoption if sister can be made to see that would be best when the time comes. When the baby actually arrives she might either decide she wants to try to keep the baby or she might feel so overwhelmed she tries to hand the baby to you--at which point you refuse and contact whatever authorities you have already determined are the next step. A private adoption that lets sister and you have some contact with the baby could work.

[b]But get prepared now with a list of possible next steps before the baby arrives so you do not cave in and just take in the baby yourself. When the baby is a reality, you may be operating on emotion, guilt, fear for the baby, unless you are well prepared and ready to say no to having the child handed off to you. That is not the best thing for the baby or fair to your kids.
[/b][u]
Where is your husband on all this? A no vote from him, or even kind ambivalence, should mean you don't take the baby anyway.

So very many families out there are desperately seeking to adopt infants, OP. [/quote]

The bolded is so well said. OP, when in doubt, repeat the bolded. Prepare NOW. Best wishes in this difficult situation. [/quote]

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