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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry, OP.  My unstable sister has two kids; mercifully, the father of the first is stable enough to raise her well, and is doing so.  With the second, who's 6, it's a cluster.  At this point, my parents (divorced but friendly) pick up most of the parenting slack and then DH and I help where we can.  Our kids are much younger than yours, and adore their cousin.  I've withstood heavy pressure from my mom to take in my niece; much as it breaks my heart, a fourth kid would undo us, especially with my sister still around and wanting visitation, being a mess, etc.  I won't even get into details about my niece's father, but's a whole other disaster.

It's SUCH a hard scenario, and I feel for you, truly.  It may be worth consulting with someone (lawyer? family social worker?) to see what the various options are to you.  You don't have to raise this child and it may be best that you don't, even if it comes to that.  But you could find out how and when to intervene and also potentially mobilize any other family resources that may be out there.  This stuff is so stressful.  [/quote]

Thank you for writing, PP. This is sort of the situation I am in right now. At this point, after talking with DH, it's pretty evident that adding another child is not going to work for us. We are in a similar situation as you and your DH.

My sister is firmly set on having this child and raising it. She claims to be sober at the moment which is a relief of sorts, but her financial life, her romantic life and well...her life is chaotic. In some ways, I hope having this child will force my sister to make different choices. There's no way to terminate parental rights. If the baby tested positive for drugs, there may be a way, but I wouldn't wish for that and hope her sobriety is here to stay (and is actually occurring).

And to the posters who claim I am making this up, I hope you never, ever find yourselves in my shoes. And yes, I did a full residency in NYC with an infant...alone. I spent every single damn cent I had (including two modest inheritances from relatives) to cover childcare, including paying for overnight care. I did this alone for five years until I finished training (though the latter bit I had help from my DH). If you want to make fun of my writing or claim I am a troll, you are the problem. People should be able to get support on DCUM without someone throwing out the troll flag. [/quote]

You're welcome.  This situation is almost unknowable until you're in it.  My mom and I discussed trying to attempt to have my sister's parental rights terminated, and are in the space now of hoping against hope she can maintain her currently fragile sobriety and keep it together.  The only other thing I'd add is, if the opportunity presents itself, help your sister avail herself of what public resources are available.  Part of my parents' mistake has been not doing that, to the point where it caused them significant financial difficulty and also never forced her to learn how to get these resources.  It's not great for her to be so dependent on them and she knows that at some level.  So, if there are ways to help your sister become more independent and you can reasonably do them, that might be another idea.

Also, to maybe offer a bit of hope, I have a dear friend who was the child in this situation, and who had a relative in your shoes and mine.  And she has been so honest and reassuring that even while they didn't live together, the things this relative did (long weekends, special outings, etc.) made a world of difference in her life.  My friend is kind, stable, smart AF, and a fantastic mom to her kids.  I hold onto hope that what I can do for my niece will be enough.  I am crossing all fingers and toes for your sister and her unborn child, and for you, too.  You're not alone.

To all the PPs judging or criticizing the OP: f right off.  [/quote]

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