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[quote=Anonymous]How recent is the split? Divorce can take a long time. I would probably say something like,

"I love you Tommy. I always will, you're my brother and we're family. But because of your relationship I also really love Susie and it is going to be difficult for me to interact with Jane so soon after all of this happened. I'm not going to put conditions on my seeing you, but you should know that if you bring Jane over it really won't be sunshine and rainbows. I am angry at her for her part in what she did to Susie and unlike you, she is not family who I love to help me get past this. I think I need a few more months to adjust before taking this step, especially if you genuinely feel like your relationship with Jane will be permanent. If she is really in our lives forever, I don't want to set things off on the wrong foot by being unable to be civil the first time we meet.

Like I said, I love you, but this will all take time. Susie really became a part of our family. I know this is most difficult for the kids and for you, but we're your family and also were invested in your life and can't just pivot that quickly. I hope you understand where I'm coming from."

No ultimatums but explain really clearly where your head is at. [/quote]

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