Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 19:13     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would probably meet her after the divorce is final, but I would never go out of my way to be her friend. The kind of person who has an affair with a married man is not someone I’m interested in befriending. The only reason I wouldn’t do the same to my brother is because he’s my brother, regardless of how much he blows up his own life. And I’d want to be part of my nieces/nephews lives because it sounds like they’re going to need some stability.


Hypocrite. The "mistress" wasn't married, the brother was. What about the kind of man who cheats on his wife?


A little harder to disown the brother though it would affect my relationship with him.

I would never allow her into my home. Odds are they will break up so that will probably be that.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 19:11     Subject: Re:Told brother I don't want to meet OW
OP he's disgusting. As a married man with kids he wants to bring the co-cheater to your home?

No way, and that long needed talk would be given. That's a horrible thing to do to his kids, both parents need to not date at this time. Make sure the kids get use to the new living arrangements, and all the new stresses. Not bring some floozy around that helped destroy a family.

TG no less. SMH

Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 17:58     Subject: Re:Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:“I will meet her after your children meet her. I don't think it is fair for my family to meet her before your children. “


Say this.

It does feel very wrong for him to start introducing this woman to his family before his children. (The divorce decree can be everyone’s saving grace here.)
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 17:51     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:I would probably meet her after the divorce is final, but I would never go out of my way to be her friend. The kind of person who has an affair with a married man is not someone I’m interested in befriending. The only reason I wouldn’t do the same to my brother is because he’s my brother, regardless of how much he blows up his own life. And I’d want to be part of my nieces/nephews lives because it sounds like they’re going to need some stability.


Hypocrite. The "mistress" wasn't married, the brother was. What about the kind of man who cheats on his wife?
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:49     Subject: Re:Told brother I don't want to meet OW
“I will meet her after your children meet her. I don't think it is fair for my family to meet her before your children. “
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:42     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
How recent is the split? Divorce can take a long time. I would probably say something like,

"I love you Tommy. I always will, you're my brother and we're family. But because of your relationship I also really love Susie and it is going to be difficult for me to interact with Jane so soon after all of this happened. I'm not going to put conditions on my seeing you, but you should know that if you bring Jane over it really won't be sunshine and rainbows. I am angry at her for her part in what she did to Susie and unlike you, she is not family who I love to help me get past this. I think I need a few more months to adjust before taking this step, especially if you genuinely feel like your relationship with Jane will be permanent. If she is really in our lives forever, I don't want to set things off on the wrong foot by being unable to be civil the first time we meet.

Like I said, I love you, but this will all take time. Susie really became a part of our family. I know this is most difficult for the kids and for you, but we're your family and also were invested in your life and can't just pivot that quickly. I hope you understand where I'm coming from."

No ultimatums but explain really clearly where your head is at.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:13     Subject: Re:Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He is your brother. You don’t know the details of what was going on in the marriage. You are making a mistake.


Plus 1


So you post things over and over and then social puppet them one minute apart as well. You must be a hard up cheater - takes one to support one.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:12     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would probably meet her after the divorce is final, but I would never go out of my way to be her friend. The kind of person who has an affair with a married man is not someone I’m interested in befriending. The only reason I wouldn’t do the same to my brother is because he’s my brother, regardless of how much he blows up his own life. And I’d want to be part of my nieces/nephews lives because it sounds like they’re going to need some stability.


DITTO. once the divorce is finalized you will have to treat OW politely, as you would any other disliked spouse, if you want to continue a relationship with your brother and his kids. I don’t think I would really ever truly forgive either the brother or the OW but I would keep it to myself. Sickening.


Well, if op is friendly with the ex-wife than she and the parents could see the kids. I wouldn't want to meet the OW either and if that drove away my brother so be it
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:11     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:Hi,

My brother cheated on his lovely wife. SIL tried to forgive him but he would not stop contact with the OW. She gave up kicked him out and filed for divorce. My brother is now in a relationship with his OW. Per the agreement he made with SIL neither party can introduce a SO to their kids until 6 months after the divorce is finalized. Their divorce is no where close to being finalized. That has not stopped my brother from trying to introduce his mistress to the family though. No one wants to meet her. My parents took a really hard line and the mistress is banned from their house period.

I am hosting TG this year and my brother asked me if he could bring her to my house to meet me the day AFTER TG. I told him it was a bad idea. I love my brother but he has made such bad choices. Allowing him to bring his mistress over would be like supporting those bad decisions. I told him if they were still together in a couple of years then maybe I would consider meeting her. He blew up at me. I don't know what to do. I hate to say it but I agree with our parents on this. He is acting like a different person and I don't like the person he is now. He said not to push him or he would not come around at all. Our parents say they don't care and not to give in to his temper tantrum. My parents think that if he gives up the OW he will stop acting like a crazy person and he can get back with SIL. SIL will never take him back. I don't think my parents are being realistic at all in that regard. WWYD?


I agree with how you handled it and I would not want to meet these two until divorced finalized and way in the future.

Feel sorry for your nieces and nephews.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:04     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
I was cheated on. My dad cheated. I still advise you to be gracious. Maybe tell him you are having a hard time but set a future date to meet in a restaurant or something.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 15:01     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
I would support my SIL and the kids that came from this marriage.
Mainly because the kids and my SIL are in the right and the kids are my blood.

I would never accept my bother as long as he is with the OW.

This is not hypothetical. We did the same with my BIL (DH brother). Today he is a broken man with several affairs. Meanwhile, our families carry on as usual with my SIL and nephew thriving ND being a part of our lives.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 14:59     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Support your brother but I wouldn’t meet the OW while he’s still married. I would liken that to enabling an alcoholic.

I’m sorry, all of this sounds very stressful and sad for his kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 14:55     Subject: Re:Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:I agree with the general tone of the responses here (you’ll have to meet her-eventually- but it’s understandable that you need far more time to process this)

I can’t even imagine being the OW here- I’m surprised she would even want to come!?!! I’d be so embarrassed if i were her?? Not to even mention your brother. The two of them have some nerve IMHO wow


Right?! If I was the OW, I would realllly slow roll this.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 14:55     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.


The brother asked to bring the OW the day AFTER Thanksgiving, pp.


Yes. And there no school the Friday after Thanksgiving. OPs kids would be home and would see their uncle’s affair partner.

This is just another of many bad decisions OPs brother has made. That doesn’t mean OP has to play along.
Anonymous
Post 10/01/2019 14:33     Subject: Told brother I don't want to meet OW
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So, after Thanksgiving, your kids can tell their cousins that they met the cousins' daddy's girlfriend?

Yeah, no.

Your brother can have Thanksgiving with the bad choice he made this year.

Once his divorce is final, once his kids have met her, then she can come to Thanksgiving.


The brother asked to bring the OW the day AFTER Thanksgiving, pp.


Does that make it any less likely that the OP's own kids will be there?