Reply to 17 Yr Not Asking Permission To Go Somewhere After School

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote] Hey - I just lived this!    Just text him: "Hey, are you home? There's a package coming if you can sign for it." or "I'm making tacos for dinner, will you be joining us?"  If he's an otherwise good kid, don't make this a huge issue. It's part of the natural separation process and choosing to fight about it will ruin your last year with him.[/quote]

[quote]This is how I dealt with it with 17 yo DS. Occasionally, I would ask him to do something if he happened to be at home. I didn't as a general rule need to know if he, for example, decided to stay at school or go to a friend's house instead of coming home for a while before an evening rehearsal.[/quote]

[b]BUT....what if he doesn't answer any of your texts/calls??  That is my secondary issue[/b]...[/quote]

This is the only issue where you don’t sound insane. If my teen doesn’t respond to my texts, that’s the last day he gets to keep his phone. Period.

If he wanted it back he would need to clean the house to a spotless degree AND wait at least a week.

[/quote]

I’m not sure about that. I remember when MIL did this with DH and BIL. She’d text a ton of where are you, when will you be home, what are you doing, etc. texts. Eventually they tuned out all communications from her because it was all the same. She could say it was an emergency and the emergency would turn out to be her asking if they wanted potatoes or broccoli for dinner. It definitely affected how both of her sons communicate with their partners and how we all communicate with MIL.

Also, I’d just like to point out that just because DD is responsive, it doesn’t mean she’s happy about it. I was more like your DD in this scenario and my sister was like your DS. We both hated the controlling behavior from our parents. We just handled it differently as teens. Our parents never let up and we’re both estranged from them now. Our parents were so bad that they called the police for a well check on us at different times during adulthood (20s and 30s) because we didn’t return calls quickly enough. In my case, I actually texted my mom to say I was okay but busy and would call later in the week. She called the police anyway (we don’t live near her) because “the bad guy” could fake text her and the only way she could be sure I was safe was for me to call. Also, even though I was responsive during my teens like your DD is now, doesn’t mean I was honest. I was hooking up with a teacher while I was texting my mom that I was at study group. [/quote]

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